When they gave him the job, they gave him a gun. The Deliverator never deals in cash, but someone might come after him anyway—might want his car, or his cargo. The gun is tiny, aero-styled, lightweight, the kind of a gun a fashion designer would carry; it fires teensy darts that fly at five times the velocity of an SR-71 spy plane, and when you get done using it, you have to plug it into the cigarette lighter, because it runs on electricity.

The Deliverator never pulled that gun in anger, or in fear. He pulled it once in Gila Highlands. Some punks in Gila Highlands, a fancy Burbclave, wanted themselves a delivery, and they didn’t want to pay for it. Thought they would impress the Deliverator with a baseball bat. The Deliverator took out his gun, centered its laser doohickey on that poised Louisville Slugger, fired it. The recoil was immense, as though the weapon had blown up in his hand. The middle third of the baseball bat turned into a column of burning sawdust accelerating in all directions like a bursting star. Punk ended up holding this bat handle with milky smoke pouring out the end. Stupid look on his face. Didn’t get nothing but trouble from the Deliverator.

Since then the Deliverator has kept the gun in the glove compartment and relied, instead, on a matched set of samurai swords, which have always been his weapon of choice anyhow. The punks in Gila Highlands weren’t afraid of the gun, so the Deliverator was forced to use it. But swords need no demonstrations.

–Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson

And the guy in the middle is arguably the most powerful SCP in the room. Whenever he is killed, he regenerates a new body to replace the old one, and he also might be host to some even more appalling eldritch abomination.

I fuckin LOVE the Jelly Star! I use it as my music player. Expandable memory, headphone jack, runs BlackPlayer and Podcast Addict. Don’t need it to do anything else in the world. Wonderful device.

Hmm.

Since Trump hit the scene, I’ve come to believe that everything that can happen has had a 50/50 chance of being either normal or absolutely batshit insane. And, really, that’s much too high a ratio of insane. If the insane thing happened one time out of a hundred or a thousand or so, that would be the right amount of insane outcomes. But fifty fifty is completely intolerable.

Appliances to which I’ll give space in my kitchen:

• Electric kettle: Use almost every day to make tea, coffee, or hot cocoa.

• Blender: Smoothies and daiquiris and such. Also good for liquefying ingredients for sauces.

• Slow cooker: The ingredients, plus X hours, is the entire recipe, and now I can eat for a week.

There’s only so much space on my shelves and in my cupboards, and an air fryer doesn’t make the cut.

A: This is an ad.

B: Fuck it, I want that knife. Anyone know where I can get one?

Edit: Okay, here it is.

We’d have to ask /u/dual_sport_dork if it’s even worth it’s relatively cheap price tag. I’d lay even odds that it’s not.

We are literally the anti-gun side.

Speak for yourself, comrade.

Well, the only way we can know for sure is through experiment. We should clone a bunch of Hitler babies and see if any of them come out with micro-penises. Of course, we couldn’t do it in Germany for obvious reasons, and the chance of them recognized in America is still a little too high. Maybe somewhere in South America… like Peru… or Chile… or somewhere in that neighborhood…

We need a constitutional amendment forbidding members of one’s immediate family from running for office once one is above a certain level of success. President is right out. Include the VP, of course. I’d say that Speaker of the House is well within the power tier at which your family should no longer be able to maintain a multi-generational grip on power.

I feel like parasocial relationships are like lead: there is no healthy minimum level of exposure, only steadily increasing and accumulating toxic effects.

I can think of “penny for your thoughts,” and “I don’t give a red cent,” and arguably the very concept of “penny loafers,” but all of those are already fairly archaic. What are some others?

“both sides bad”

An Andrew Cuomo-era nursing home.

That is literally the content of the original post that spawned this entire conversation.

Or just Ctrl+F “Print”. Most pages have the link to print the recipe right above the actual recipe itself.

SMB2 is the best Mario game on the NES.

This is like people who prefer Star Trek IV over II or VI, and I respect the off-kilter energy.