when i read books, make an effort to train my feed, talk to my friends who i know will be polite, dont click on videos that seem off etc. i feel like im lying to myself about reality and guarding myself from the ”real” honesty of some crude places on the internet. i also feel like monitoring what malicious comments say is just checking out the new social norms and that if i dont see what they say i will step out of line socially and do something embarassing. it just feels a bit humiliating and pathetic. when i do something innocuous its like i have a very evil comment section in my head saying very mean things. realistically i know that the title isnt true but i wonder if anybody feels the same.
I have social anxiety and low self esteem. I am always worried that people think poorly of me and it will cause problems. The root cause is my parents’ mistreatment of me, but there are many factors that fuel it, including social media.
My version of an evil comment section in my head is my parents. I have to remind myself that they were wrong, I do not deserve punishment for trying my best. Criticism can be helpful, but avoid tearing yourself down. Mistakes are natural. Punishment does not help us avoid mistakes. Patient, thoughtful correction is more effective. It’s not all-or-nothing.
Please be kind to yourself. 🙂