I’m 23F he’s 23 M
Hey guys, I will try to make this short but it’s hard without giving full context. So I started talking to this guy roughly 1.5-2months ago, we initially met through a friend of a friend. We initially just did sexual stuff and then started talking more… over the time, I had been confused on what he wanted from me (relationship or not?). I’m gonna just put in dot jots of the things he has done through out that upset me and made me feel as if he didn’t care…
- when we first started talking and going out more often or whatever we had went to the movies and then at the end of the night I just wanted a nice quick hug so I was joking around laughing and I told him come give me a hugggg get outttt the car, and he didn’t bother. He made a comment saying “this isn’t a movie” or whatever. And I ended up slowly walking back to my car and he rolled up his window as soon as I got inside and left. This was also before we were clear that we are dating for intention of being partners
- mind you, I cut off my guy best friend irl and a long term gaming buddy I had for him, out of respect. So that also pisses me off that I feel disrespected by him and I did those things which I know is bare minimum and trust me, I don’t care to do those for someone I want to be with but for respect to not be reciprocated idk?
- 1-2 weeks before it was clear he wanted more, he made a “joke” or whatever he said he didn’t mean it that way where he texted me saying “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t be in a relationship because I’m not emotionally mature or wtv” and this because I told him that emotional maturity is a biggest thing I look for in a relationship
- he used to joke around and call me “dumb” “bitch” or whatever (I guess not in a serious way like we’d be doing a game or whatever) and then I ended up telling him I don’t like it and I think it’s rude. I ended up now telling him like ok whatever it’s fine like if we’re gaming or whatever it is cuz I do sometimes would say it back now so it doesn’t affect me as much in certain situations only.
- I feel like whenever I tell him about my feelings and things he does to upset me, he becomes combative. It’s like he starts making all these excuses. When I told him about everything he did, he started going one for one of why he did that, not even acknowledging how I’m feeling. It’s just like going back and forth with someone who doesn’t see what they did wrong, and he even says that he doesn’t know what he did and I need to tell him. Like it’s not that hard and I’m honestly tired of explaining
- tonight, I picked up these items from Facebook from this girl after work (11:30 pm) and she left it on her porch. I told him I’m going to be quickly picking up some stuff and he was chill about it over text and just saying oh why now? And I’m like well it’s only 7-10 min from my work and on my way back home. I shared my location with him and then he said to FaceTime him when I get there. I FaceTimed him as soon as I grabbed the bag as I just saw the message, and I let him know that I got them and I’m safe. And then he says something along the lines “so why are you FaceTiming me?” I’m like “what? U told me to” and says well u already got them so why” and was just having an attitude. And then he basically was telling me “dumbass” for going at night to grab stuff off Facebook and whatever and saying stuff like “it’s like those dumb bitches who go into the woods at 2 am and then something happens and people wonder omg why?” … I got upset after this and it made me cry because I don’t get why u have to call me these words.
And tbh, I never was treated like this by someone who supposedly likes me and see’s a future with me. It makes me upset because I want it to work and I know he’s a great guy and has a great soul underneath but there’s this part of him he seriously needs to work on or I am just being too extra/dramatic (as he says). I told him he upset me a lot tonight and just basically says “omg everything I do is bad” “you are taking it too far”….
Idk guys. I really like him and I’m supposed to meet his mom soon who really wants to meet me, I’m just getting emotionally exhausted tbh. And it’s not good for me to feel this way because I don’t want to end up fully not caring. Because that’s how it usually goes.
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Old guy here, I hope you don’t mind me chipping in.
He casually hurts you and won’t accept responsibility? His red flags have little, smaller red flags on them. That guy doesn’t need just polishing up, he’s a whole project.
He sounds like a tool.
People who care about us should consistently lift us up, not bring us down.
I think you need to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone that casually disrespects you
Find someone who lifts you up, not tears you down. Anyone like that is toxic and you’ll regret wasting time on them.
He’s told you he’s emotionally immature and demonstrated it many times. He calls you names and puts you down. What else do you need?
So let me summarize. He’s:
- Regularly belittling you and your feelings
- Insulting/namecalling you even though it clearly upsets you
- Shifting blame and refusing to take responsibility for his own actions
I’m sorry but I’m failing to see the “great guy” part in this. An actual great guy wouldn’t treat you like this at all.
My question to you is, why are you stuck on pursuing a future with someone who clearly doesn’t care about you?
Edit: Just to add to this, I also want to say, I’ve seen the “If I just love them harder I’ll eventually break through and they’ll suddenly care about me!” mindset play out in real time before, multiple times.
Guess what? They didn’t. The treatment stayed exactly the same because in reality they are already showing you exactly who they are as a person, and their bad behavior is just being validated by you staying. If that is the mindset you are following here, don’t. I promise you it won’t lead anywhere good.
Actual great guys don’t act like this. You really need to cut him off now. He’s very insecure, immature, and emotionally abusive. Don’t expect it to go up from this point.
#1) when my wife and I started dating, I chewed gum every time before hanging out. If a GF wanted a hug, I’d do it in a second, without asking for anything, because that’s what people do.
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any guy who wants their SO to not see other male friends is a HUGE red flag to me. My wife’s ex was like that, didn’t end well. #3 is weird. No comment.
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is a huge red flag and scarey.
I see a lot of red flags in your post that any decent guy wouldn’t have.
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