Is your name Biggus Dickus by any chance?
Bigus dickus prefect of Judea, crazy to have someone famous posting on social media. It is not solely the peasentry who uses it I see.
No one cares what helmet you wear, dickhead.
Helmets are pretty much only good to protect you from a stray arrow or two, but shields are where it’s at.
You’re not going to turn an Assyrian blade with your helmet, are you? No, you’re not.
Pick up a buckler, slap your cock helmet on and let’s go to war, brother!
Notice how you’re still alive to talk about people laughing at your helmet? That’s a good thing.
3/4 helmets are for people who don’t care about their chins. Full face or GTFO.
I want to create a whole backstory about a Smith who was wronged by a lord and made him this ceremonial helmet as a gift and presented it at a formal ceremony
The only problem is that there’s a pretty solid chance this was by special request. Maybe the smith in your story gives it to the lord and the lord just thinks it’s awesome. His enemies will tremble before his erect and throbbing masculinity!
Nothing more… interesting than a giant cock running across the battlefield.
Confirming the opinions of every peasant on the field
“I was wearing protection!”
It’s missing the big white feather you’re supposed to put on the top.
Looks, it’s Biggus Dickus!!!
That reminds me. It’s time to polish my helmet. Anyone want to lend a hand?
Is your name Richard cranium?
I imagine this actually goes on the penis. I don’t care if it’s true. Gold dick caps seem rad
dickhead
Looks like someone is compensating for something…
