I used to hate olives, along with a lot of other things. Peppers. Beans. Blue cheese. And I used to tell everyone about how much I disliked stuff.

But then I grew up. You don’t have to eat olives if you don’t want. But if you restrict your life to your little pre-approved list of acceptable foods, you’re missing out.

Life is short. Way too short. You don’t want to discover how delicious a dirty martini with blue cheese olives is when you’re old.

Justified. I was in Edinburgh with my family and we had a lovely outdoor table.

I went to the bathroom and our dinner came out while I was in the bathroom and a seagull STOLE MY GODDAMN £30 STEAK. Just hopped up on the table next to my brother-in-law and yoinked my medium-rare ribeye.

Fuck those sky-rats.