it insults jabba and carrie. and i heard talkin bout yo mama.

i’m not arguing with you there, just there’s something about barcelona that makes people fall in love with it. idk what it is, i’ve just seen it happen with a few people.

Bb minor

Yes yes sign of the empty bowl: you will forever be searching for the perfect cup of pho. beauty lies in front of you, perfection is in love and in your family. you must harvest [5 human hearts] for your broth for perfect pho.

i’m really not sure about this translation

i mean, people have a lot of different images of them. I view them in black suits with big mustaches, dark sunglasses, tasers and bear spray on the hip and big badges that say TREASURY on them. Florsheim shoes. Squeak a little on the right foot. I bet Michael Gross would do a great job hold on i gotta write this part into my vampire screenplay. I might be getting them confused with IRS agents tho.

anyone trained well enough to throw One Serious Punch is trained well enough to not throw One Serious Punch :ε

is that a fat joke? i’m very sensitive about my weight

Sorry i was born a linguine lover and i’ll die a linguine lover

That’s Gilbert Gottfried, gods rest his smutty soul

YO

(i want the fucking vaccine, maybe that’ll trick them into thinking i’m latino)

They’re used to my bullshit, so they didn’t believe me!

one of us! one of us!

my wife and i like to rotate between backgammon and chess

aaaaand you just answered a question about which halloween costumes i’m wearing this year. i’m busting out the lounge lizard.

person thinks name tag [editor: or driver’s license/ID] is for their benefit

that is my joke that i use for me, going on seventeen years. i am so scatterbrained. i need to think up a second joke

I’ve really been wanting to get into astrology. Do you want to go to the local telescope depository?

i’ve got little legs. i should really be at 8 beers/hr if i want to keep pace with the bigger guys.

get your shirts tailored. if you can’t afford to tailor your date night shirts, buy cheaper shirts and get them tailored. secondhand and tailored looks better than new and not fitting you perfectly.

all dinosaurs need top hats. part of the reason they went extinct was their insistence on formalwear

no… i just, um, wanted to fundraise one for my wife’s classroom. yeah. that’s it. i can play with it after school and on weekends. totally.

NINE HUNDRED DOLLARYDOOS