It would be considered rape if the person accused was a poor, non connected person with no promising future.

What you are saying makes a lot of sense. I find the line between self harm/ harmful practices and what’s acceptable can get somewhat blurry. Some of it seems like social norms that people have accepted without much critical thought. I know people who like to be beat to the point of crying, not because of any sexual or otherwise euphoric release, but because it feels cathartic and it helps them cry. Which probably isn’t too uncommon, but if someone were to inflict the same pain upon themselves (and let’s say they were careful about their limits and lasting damag), it would likely be considered concerning. Knife play fun, cutting bad.

It’s easy to spot the black and white cases of what’s safe and what isn’t, but sometimes the middle can get muddled… and likely better left to be determined by the individual.

The positive reinforcement thing could work if left to someone else. I get way too good at rationalizing why waiting for the reward is pointless, lol.

Love that * stop using subtext*!

Subtext hits differently day to day. Like what might seem coy or domineering (in a good way), may seem obtuse or bullying the next. Many people with ADHD struggle with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) and if it’s particularly nasty one day it can negativity color all interactions.

So what can also be helpful are reassurances to both top and bottom. “Yes, I love you and your authority, I’m just being a brat.” Or “No, you aren’t annoying me and I’m not actually upset/ disappointed, I’m just emphasizing my authority.”

To make sure I understand what you’re saying: You often do 24/7, but there are times when you want to switch up the dynamic. Such as going from a d/s type situation to a more balanced relationship, or from a relaxed d/s to maybe high protocol. The problem you’re having is communicating the changes in the dynamic.

Going off this understanding of what you said (let me know if I misunderstood), I would suggest something that makes it obvious that a shift in dynamic is happening / that you want it to occur. The most obvious is stating it like “hey I’m going into Dom mode” or something like that. Another thing could be a “code phrase”, like “seems like you need to be put in your place”, but I would suggest especially for your ADHD partner that the phrase doesn’t need to be exact each time, so long as it carries the same meaning or is “close enough”. Something else that I found useful is jewlery/ collars. I don’t generally wear jewelry so a necklace didn’t work for me, but I do occasionally wear bracelets and when my partner and I were up for the dynamic, but maybe I had to work she would have me wear a bracelet (like a day collar). I had two different bracelets one thicker than the other and when we were going to have a more intense day I would wear the thicker bracelet. However, if we were staying home she would ask if I wanted to wear my collar, which was a clear sign that the dynamic was starting. The tighter the collar the more intense or more likely we were to scene. (Obviously never too tight or uncomfortable).

These kinds of things helped show the shift as well as helped form a mindset that may be difficult when going from a relaxed non- dynamic to suddenly scene. It also helped make things clear so that we could both have better context understanding the other’s actions.

• Also I agree about the Au/DHD normalization. I just used neurospicy in the way I call myself Queer instead of going into the more detailed description of identity. My spicy is for sure ADHD, possibly ASD, but also cptsd, anxiety, chronic pain (which effects mood and such), and more. So I didn’t want to limit or suggest people with neurodivergencies outside of ADHD or ASD needed to justify stating their experiences.

Thanks for the thought out reply! Bringing in elements that I like is a good idea… have to think critically about that one for what can fit.

Making things routine… well that’s the hard part. I’m not good at getting into routines and sticking to them is also tricky.

Not a line per se, but a scene. Watching The Haunting of Emily Rose in theaters and it’s supposed to be a serious scene and maybe even shocking or scary. The possessed main character jumps out of a barn loft or house window… I lost my shit, laughed so loud. The way the girl jumped out was just too funny looking.

When I’m overstimulated or migrainey my skin becomes sensitive to touch. So that when I am touched I have a burning sensation and oddly enough light touches are more painful than a normal touch. I often describe it as the same feeling from when I am running a fever that makes my skin burn and I get painful goosebumps all over. (The painful goosebumps happen with a migraine more than being overstimulated.)

Also I can’t stand repetitive touch, like when holding hands and the other person rubs their thumb back and forth over your hand. These repetitive motions quickly become painful and can often set off my whole body becoming too sensitive. Another weird touch thing is light touches on my back, this almost always causes my how body to start itching. It’s sooo annoying and something I have to constantly remind my partner about.