Oh. I have a soft spot for spherical cows.
Years ago I authored most of the Uncyclopedia page on the topic. Hehe. I see my edits there from 2010.

I definitely do not care about dicing an onion uniformly, but I read and enjoyed the entire analysis.

All of the diagrams are of a cross-section of the middle of an onion. You know, it being round and all, it naively makes a lot of sense to assume that’s going to be ok as a model for the entire onion.

But … I find myself curious … if the solution is to cut to an angle below the onion, and the article did point out that a few pieces along the bottom would be mismatched … It seems that we are overlooking the top and bottom of the onion where sections are going to get some really weird looking cuts.

They say, “This is an onion. (Well, a simplified cross-section of one.)”
… No. No that is not an onion. Its not that they’ve chosen an easy problem, but the approximation used here is not an onion.

I have long thighs and short lower legs. Pretty hairy too. I already look enough like an ape. No thx.

Grandma can’t see the pins anymore to take them out.
She made me a lovely quilt. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be done pulling pins out of it.

Treat that vest very carefully for a while. No sudden moves.

Mmm. Ya ya. No argument. But its iDRAC. I’ve had to sit through enough propaganda. I’m pretty sure about this.

Mmm. Had to look this up. Good stuff.

I did not enjoy the mod. Perhaps I’ll try it again someday.

I hate it when my boss says that. Or he will call it “D-RAC”. Annoys the hell out of me.
It’s iDRAC.
Yes, there are components that are called RAC, but the Dell out of band management system is called iDRAC.
… but that’s not as dumb as when he calls the SuperMicro system “iLO”. That’s IPMI. We don’t even own any HPE. I’ve no idea why he’s stuck on iLO.

I keep a Windows 2008 w Java 6 VM on ice for administering old Java console shit like that.
The VM is unsafe as hell. Completely virgin unpatched. The only protection is that I don’t give it a gateway or dns, and I shut it down when its not in use.
And it works. Old Java shit can still be used.

VMware does this with its virtual networking. If a change takes it offline, it automatically rolls it back. It can be frustrating at times, but mostly its saved my ass.

This is the NetAdmin’s problem. And he’s got 3 ways to get into the datacenter, so he goddamn well better have an answer that doesn’t involve airfare. Worst case, he’s gotta use remote hands, but that would be embarrassing, and I’d not let him forget it. Nobody forgives me when I screw up a server cluster, so he gets no latitude when he takes a datacenter offline.

Maybe she’s a digital fantasy. Did you look for extra fingers and such?

I usually do 10 squats. Would I get half a ticket?

Fuk me, that is the ugliest food I’ve seen in a bit. I had to come back to this post and look again.

Came here for this. The rest of this post is shite.

I acknowledge that this is spoonula thing is happening … but its madness.
I don’t entirely understand, and something in me rebels against doing so.

These are such great names.
I dated a Dutch girl years ago. Marjan made the Dutch language sound … silly, totally charming.

This is my favorite. My utensil is hereby declared to be a Pan Licker.

I guess I get to put it in whatever drawer I want. It’s the only Pan Licker I’ve got. No rules!

I’m gonna break one of my rules and explain my joke …
Where I live, the things behind it are spatulas. And so is the red rubber thing. And they are clearly not the same.
… So that’s funny. Err … well I think its funny. I’m not very funny.

I love you people.
I thought that would be a funny pic, but I don’t think I expected so many fun terms from around the world.

TLDR … Spatchula and its variants wins by far.
Got some good entries in the Creative category.
But, I’m going to go with Pan Licker from now on!

==========================
The summary, as best I’m able. (Updated a couple times.)

Things I expected …
yes - xx
spatchula - xxxxx
spoon - xx
silicone spatula - xx
rubber spatchula - x
rubber scraper - x
dough scraper - x

Creative …
spoonula - xxxxxx (This is a real thing!?!?!)
spatuloon - xx
spoontula, cousin of the spork - x
microwaved ice cream spoon - x
Softspoon - x

Around the World …
maryse - x
slickepot/lick-bowl - xx
Pannenlikker/Pan-Licker - xx
Gummihund/rubber-dog - x
Portugal dictator - ?

==========================

And then we got some surprise entries on the actual spatchulas behind the red thing.
These terms totally make sense, but they sound weird as hell to me!

turners
fish slices
egg slice or fish slice
fish lifters

==========================

Weird Al had a thing to say about spatchulas.
He says I spell it wrong …
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BUDwj_mXKE