At least she’s not trying to figure out how to get pregananant!

Pretty sure if I wake up on the back of a tyrannosaurus, I’m going to try and kill it so I’m not caught in the crossfire of everyone else trying to kill it.

Melania did a better job during contract negotiations and only has to make 3 official appearances per calendar year.

Also, she’s an illegal immigrant and is afraid to leave the country because Trump won’t let her back in.

"I’m sorry, due to political instability travelers from your country must be held for seven days while we run a background check to be sure you’re not attempting to illegally enter our country.

Here’s a 3cm thick mat and a 3m x 3m room that’s lit 24/7. See you next week. I suggest you take a vote on which corner is the bathroom."

Knowledge of sports statistics is a socially acceptable autistic hyper fixation.

Ever talked to one of these people? You mention a baseball player and they can tell you what their batting average was for each year of their decade long career, or they can tell you where every NFL player went to college; meanwhile I have trouble remembering my own phone number.

You forgot that one of the old white men is “rich”, so you have to apply the set of rich people consequences.

I will list them for you here:

Unsafe start is the term in my area

T

Snake! A snaaaaake! Oooohhh, it’s a snaaaaaaakeeeee!

Not even the first time he pulled this BS… Did a Goya commercial in The Oval Office.

He’s a grifting charlatan, and he’s not even charismatic. It’s baffling!

“Every accusation is a confession”

Sweated it out over night, slept all day the next day

If I did that, I’d be “weak” because I didn’t “tough it out” and work a 12 hour shift while I was contagious AF and make things worse for everyone else because “a real man doesn’t take days off!”

…fuck that. I’m staying wrapped in my giant blanket until the fever breaks.

Thanks, I was too lazy to find that again for context!

Military time does not use AM/PM, because you don’t need to differentiate between 5 and 17.

Apparently, it fixes chronic back pain…

Can’t exit it on your own?

Even better, get capsules and compress the powder in a shell like a breeching round.

Effective range goes way down, though

Glob’s “are you kidding me?” Look has me dying! 🤣