rawn

I don’t have much positive examples, but I suppose we can learn from mistakes. Alright, here goes …

• You just created a new human. This human to a certain degree takes precedence now. Plan accordingly, don’t move every 2 years, give her a chance to grow with her environment. (I can explain this is detail if needed.)
• If your kids cries, it’s probably not because it’s an evil manipulator. It does not need to be told to be tough.
• If your kid consistently gets sick when she has to go to school, don’t just send her anyway, check if there’s a reason.
• Be curious! When she says or does something you don’t understand, ask. Be open about the answer and don’t judge what you hear.
• Be on her side. If you’re taking a different position, explain the why and how.
• Clean up together, involve her, be a part of it! Show her that men have a part to play in household stuff, teach her that it can be fun to live in a tidy, clean, beautiful space.
• Your child is not part of fights with your wife. If you want to go to Hawaii and your wife wants Canada, your kid will not be the one to decide.
• Don’t make jokes about or be ironic with a kid. A 14 year old is still a kid, a 16yo is still a kid. Kids are very vulnerable and you’re teaching them, that they can’t trust you with stuff. Particularly when it comes to love/gender/sex/periods, just don’t act like it’s funny.
• Do not comment body shape, not hers, not others, not in general. You have a type? Good for you, but that isn’t for your daughter to know or consider. If you like petite dark haired women but your daughter is tall and blonde, she will understand this as her not being pretty enough. No matter how pretty she is or if your wife is just as tall and blonde. Sentences like “All xy-women eventually turn into square shape, it’s just how that demographic works” are shitty without you telling this to your kid.
• She likes a boy band? Great, you can drive her to the gig and pick her up later!
• She reads teenager magazines because she’s a teenager, maybe you want to hear her opinion on this stuff. She certainly doesn’t need any condescending attitude though.
• Maybe sometimes children need to be humbled, but many times life will do that on its own. Consider your own vulnerabilities, before putting them in their place. What they said may sound arrogant, but still be true for their situation.
• Whatever she wants to do or create: Be supportive! She does not need to be a child genius and you don’t need to tell her, that she’s not Picasso.
• “There will only be boys there, are you sure that’s what you want to do?” is not in your vocabulary.
• When she picks a study subject, maybe don’t point out that this may be too hard for her. Help her prepare instead!

You can do this! My list is very long, but ultimately simple: If you lean into your own vulnerabilities and share this with her, a lot of these things will happen on their own. Be open and curious. You can’t teach her everything, she’ll have to fall on her face by herself. Be there to pick her up afterwards and just keep that up.

Willkommen auf dem Land! Egal welchem Land.

Such dir eine Stadt. Sei dir bewusst, dass Freundschaften im Zweifel nicht mit dir umziehen und ein Teil durch die Strecke vermutlich einschläft. Alkohol wird auch in der Stadt getrunken, aber nicht immer, nicht von jedem und nicht ganz so obsessiv.

Schau, was du für dich brauchst (Kultur, Menschen, Dreck, ÖPNV, Wetter, …) und dann guck mal wo du hin passt. Mir selbst war Süddeutschland zum Beispiel immer zu sauber, das Wetter in Karlsruhe aber auch in Berlin finde ich ganz fantastisch und im Norden lockt dann natürlich die See. Auch kleinere Studentenstädte (Heidelberg z.B.) haben bereits ein größeres Kulturangebot als klassisch Dorf. Du musst also nicht zwingend weit weg, aber vielleicht willst du das ja trotzdem. Grundsätzlich gilt: Wo eine Uni ist, ist Kultur gerade für Jüngere ist besser aufgestellt. Je mehr Menschen nicht am Ort selbst aufwachsen sind, desto leichter ist es, neue Leute kennen zu lernen. Köln hat z.B. auch eine Uni, aber viele kommen von dort und haben bereits feste Freundeskreise, während andere Städte schon wegen der Größe eher Studis haben, die von außerhalb kommen.

Viel Erfolg, ich weiß, wie scheiße es ist, auf dem Land nichts zu trinken!

Dress up, go out and to a bar all by myself, meet strangers without worrying about how to get rid of them later.

Go to the nicest sauna in town, spa all day.

Trust your manager and the people who hired you. They picked your for a reason. Sometimes it’s not what you think makes a good employee in this position, but something much more specific to the team or situation you’re in. If in doubt: Ask!

Many times people who come straight from uni don’t feel productive enough, because they can’t be productive for 8 hours straight. But that’s normal. Staring at the ceiling blankly on occasion is normal too. If you’re doing your best and the matter you’re working with is working well for you, then you’re very likely fine.

There’s always a bit of impostor syndrome in all of us, but still try to get comfortable and trust your colleagues. Ask for feedback from your superior, if you’re unsure.

This decision is all about you.

I’m an introvert who works with people, I could be a recluse all year and I’d be happy. Without work maybe I’d be a little lonely at times, but there is ways to fix that for me, without relying on neighbours.

You seem to like having neighbours though, so that’s very different. If that is something that worked well for you in the past, I think that’s an indicator for the more expensive house. It’s a permanent thing, after all, and if you’re rather extroverted or at least need humans around on occasion, then you shouldn’t make yourself unhappy by buying cheap.

He’s trying to distract from the probe into Tesla’s range. It’s working.