It’s been around a month since I started questioning my gender. I’m really confused on all of this, seeing a therapist would help but that’s not an option for me at the moment (don’t want to go into details about that here). Biggest source of confusion for me is the fact that there are some strong signs that I’m trans but at the same time I don’t feel like a woman (nor anything othet than a man). Does this happen to trans women before egg crack or any form of transitioning? This question is a huge roadblock for me at the moment in terms of questioning, it feels like I won’t get anywhere with this without finding amswer to it. It probably won’t be final answer to everything but even if I’m trans transitioning would’t be safe for 4-5 years so I have enough time to explore my identity.
Edit: Thank you all for responding, it’s really helpful. Now I’m a bit more sure that I’m trans but I’ll try to experiment in a safe way until I’m able to talk with therapist about this.
I realized I was absolutely trans under a month ago. From the different stories that everyone tells, everyone’s experience is different. I’ll share a few things that were meaningful to me and how I ended up personally realizing I am trans, but everyone is genuinely a unique person with their own path to find.
For a couple of wonderful general statements that I read elsewhere (recommend the gender dysphoria bible in the sidebar):
People who are completely 100% cis don’t usually worry about the idea that they might not be 100% cis. If the idea keeps sticking in your head, it is worth exploring it further.
Being a woman or a man or neither or both or anywhere on any gender spectrum does not require you to do anything. You can be a trans woman, or trans femme enby person, or anything, recognize it, and then do nothing. Sure, it is common for that recognition to spark a desire to change something, but you never have to, and NO step or change is required to be who you are. Try to take the worry over “what it means” out of your analysis, and just ask yourself what feels right. “What it means” is a much longer-term thing to sort through over time, and will likely change over time just like everyone does.
For me, the things that finally tipped me over the edge of realizing my transness about myself were:
- The idea that the only meaningful way to identify your gender is completely internal. I was wishing I was a woman extremely often, but thought I couldn’t be one because I kept viewing gender as an externally-definable thing, and the limited other trans/female narratives that I had heard were things that I personally had not experienced in my life yet. But it isn’t about fitting an external definition of being “trams” or “woman”. The external definition is meaningless. The ONLY meaningful way to define your gender is to feel inside yourself, not looking at a list of what makes someone trans.
- Eventually I realized that constantly wishing I was a woman IS gender dysphoria, and that I could choose to define myself differently, if I wanted to. That really opened my brain up a crack to the idea. After that…
- I read about the null hypotheCis. Taking a step back and weighing the ideas of “I am trans” and “I am cis” with equal possibility, instead of assuming cis was a default and being trans required me to find solid proof. As soon as I tried a thought experiment of flipping it entirely around, to mentally try to find the evidence to prove to myself that I was cis, the whole thing collapsed and I knew that I am not.
Hopefully one of the journeys the community has posted about here will give you a place to start digging at the question until you feel comfortable with your answer. Also, basically everything I said above came from the gender dysphoria bible, so reading that and seeing if it resonates with something inside might be a good place to look - took me a couple of hours ish to read. Best of luck out there, stranger!
