As the event concluded, President Trump signed an executive order directing the military to purchase electricity from coal-fired power plants,

Ah, so just a normal bribe then.

Made out of … coal or gold

And he’ll never consider why its undisputed

The FIFA Greenpeace Award.

Usually bad kids get a lump of coal. He’s so terrible he got a champion of coal award.

Guy loves participation trophies.

Wish he’d fall down a mine shaft.

From Santa

That’s nice for him. He does love being given awards. Even when it’s an award that someone else won.

Having unredacted close captions of Trump manages to make my head hurt even more than listening to him somehow. This guy’s magical.