I’m not saying i have the answer to this, but i also worry about damaging the relationship in those cases. so i instinctively end up trying to validate something about the other’s words, their situation, their values, the thought process which led then to their initial argument, or anything else i can think of. something like
“but i can totally understand how someone would feel that way (their initial position) considering (reasons)”
or “but what do i know, I’ve never (had certain relevant experience)”
if I’m honest i feel super awkward doing so after having argued/debated against their side. and I’m always afraid they’ll call me out as a hypocrite, a pedantic simp, or just a plain idiot who doesn’t pay attention to my own words…
and much of the time, the other person ignores my effort. at least that’s no worse than if i didn’t say anything extra.
but sometimes, their expression will change from confused/irritated to relieved. or they’ll confirm that they were convinced by me and don’t resent what I’ve said. so it can work.
That one is easy: Say thank you with a Mona Lisa-smile, then go on about your day.
It’s a pure formalism, because any interpretation of what they said, how they said it, of your own thoughts or feelings on it, is 100% pure speculation.
Thus you simply accept it formally with a mild smile and a “thank you” and leave everything else (thinking about it, discussing it, etc.) for a later time.
It’s very similar to how you’re supposed to take/accept criticism.
I’m not saying i have the answer to this, but i also worry about damaging the relationship in those cases. so i instinctively end up trying to validate something about the other’s words, their situation, their values, the thought process which led then to their initial argument, or anything else i can think of. something like
if I’m honest i feel super awkward doing so after having argued/debated against their side. and I’m always afraid they’ll call me out as a hypocrite, a pedantic simp, or just a plain idiot who doesn’t pay attention to my own words…
and much of the time, the other person ignores my effort. at least that’s no worse than if i didn’t say anything extra.
but sometimes, their expression will change from confused/irritated to relieved. or they’ll confirm that they were convinced by me and don’t resent what I’ve said. so it can work.
Have you figured out how to accept compliments?
That one is easy: Say thank you with a Mona Lisa-smile, then go on about your day.
It’s a pure formalism, because any interpretation of what they said, how they said it, of your own thoughts or feelings on it, is 100% pure speculation. Thus you simply accept it formally with a mild smile and a “thank you” and leave everything else (thinking about it, discussing it, etc.) for a later time.
It’s very similar to how you’re supposed to take/accept criticism.
I AM NOT MAKING THE SMUG ANIME FACE
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