Sure, I have trauma from being abused by past partners because I was silent for 30 minutes. My spouse (not wife) does as well. Silence is not inherently abusive, getting mad at someone’s silence in the context of this tweet is absolutely abuse. You are not providing an “other side” to this tweet- you’re inserting your unrelated personal experience into a statement about desired relationship dynamics, which is just a healthy desire for an empathetic partner instead of an abusive one.
Tweet: “I want a partner who treats me with respect and empathy instead of violence when I’m quiet”
You: “Stonewalling is unhealthy too”
That’s false equivalency, and a known abuse tactic.
Replying from a different instance as sh.itjust.works stopped working.
No accusations, simply using the same language you used previously directed at a statement I made.
My personal experience IS actually related to the tweet, whereas yours is related to an assumption made about the tweeter. Not the same thing.
And I wanted to rephrase my statement with regards to trauma: my experience in relationships with NTs (neurotypical) has been one of being told I am mad or upset when I am simply being quiet, in other words they imposed emotions onto me without ever asking why I was silent (oftentimes I merely went nonverbal for a period of time), even after being made aware that that was a normal thing for me. On the flipside, in ND (neurodivergent) relationships I have generally been asked why I am quiet without the assumption of fault by the asker. Perhaps it comes down to that difference. But you are imposing emotion/intent on the tweeter silence, while I am taking the tweet at face value. Now, does that face value happen to reflect my personal experience? Yes. Does that mean I am inserting my unrelated personal experience by including my related person experience? No.
You’ve already framed the partner that gets mad at OP acting different when they’re in a mood as abusive. You’ve firmly put NT people in that category with your previous comment while elevating ND people as having the correct response.
We all have different experiences with relationship dynamics and that colors our views of the world. Your experience isn’t any more special or more correct than anyone else’s.
Not what I said, but that actually is abusive. No mood anywhere. The “partner” in the tweet is getting mad and accusing the tweeter of “acting different” when they are simply silent. More is not stated, nor can be assumed with the given information. You are the only person going on about this “mood” that supposedly exists. Let me be clear, this “mood” is your invention and not implied anywhere.
Where did I do this? I said that in my experience in relationships with NT people, I have experienced abuse due to a lack of empathy for a different way of existing (going silent for periods of time), and have generally (but not always) not had this response in ND relationships. This has more to do with a shared experience than anything else.
While this is true, it has no relevance with the discussion at hand.
You are making a lot of assumptions in this thread that are not supported by the information available.
Edit to add: Unsupported assumptions and bad faith arguments do not an interesting discussion make, and I have to go anyways, so again I will wish you and yours the best and be on my way.
Went back and read through your responses to other folx in this thread, and it’s clear you arguing in bad faith over the assumptions you’ve made about the tweeter and commenters, so I’ll just wish you good day and farewell to you and your husband.
My initial comment was offering the perspective from the other side.
I’ve had immature partners who fume in silence and resentment because of some unspoken expectation that I had no idea I was failing to meet.
And your personal experience with your wife similarly colors your interpretation of the tweet.
That’s it.
Sure, I have trauma from being abused by past partners because I was silent for 30 minutes. My spouse (not wife) does as well. Silence is not inherently abusive, getting mad at someone’s silence in the context of this tweet is absolutely abuse. You are not providing an “other side” to this tweet- you’re inserting your unrelated personal experience into a statement about desired relationship dynamics, which is just a healthy desire for an empathetic partner instead of an abusive one.
Tweet: “I want a partner who treats me with respect and empathy instead of violence when I’m quiet”
You: “Stonewalling is unhealthy too”
That’s false equivalency, and a known abuse tactic.
You are also inserting your unrelated personal experiences into our conversation about the tweet.
One can desire an empathetic partner and still have unhealthy relationship habits. Feeling anger is not violence.
Now you’re accusing me of using abuse tactics when we’re just having a conversation on the internet, so we’re absolutely done here.
Replying from a different instance as sh.itjust.works stopped working.
No accusations, simply using the same language you used previously directed at a statement I made.
My personal experience IS actually related to the tweet, whereas yours is related to an assumption made about the tweeter. Not the same thing.
And I wanted to rephrase my statement with regards to trauma: my experience in relationships with NTs (neurotypical) has been one of being told I am mad or upset when I am simply being quiet, in other words they imposed emotions onto me without ever asking why I was silent (oftentimes I merely went nonverbal for a period of time), even after being made aware that that was a normal thing for me. On the flipside, in ND (neurodivergent) relationships I have generally been asked why I am quiet without the assumption of fault by the asker. Perhaps it comes down to that difference. But you are imposing emotion/intent on the tweeter silence, while I am taking the tweet at face value. Now, does that face value happen to reflect my personal experience? Yes. Does that mean I am inserting my unrelated personal experience by including my related person experience? No.
I’m not neurotypical myself, but this weird assertion that NT people are abusive because they respond differently than ND people is an odd conclusion.
What? Where do you get that from?
You’ve already framed the partner that gets mad at OP acting different when they’re in a mood as abusive. You’ve firmly put NT people in that category with your previous comment while elevating ND people as having the correct response.
We all have different experiences with relationship dynamics and that colors our views of the world. Your experience isn’t any more special or more correct than anyone else’s.
Not what I said, but that actually is abusive. No mood anywhere. The “partner” in the tweet is getting mad and accusing the tweeter of “acting different” when they are simply silent. More is not stated, nor can be assumed with the given information. You are the only person going on about this “mood” that supposedly exists. Let me be clear, this “mood” is your invention and not implied anywhere.
Where did I do this? I said that in my experience in relationships with NT people, I have experienced abuse due to a lack of empathy for a different way of existing (going silent for periods of time), and have generally (but not always) not had this response in ND relationships. This has more to do with a shared experience than anything else.
While this is true, it has no relevance with the discussion at hand.
You are making a lot of assumptions in this thread that are not supported by the information available.
Edit to add: Unsupported assumptions and bad faith arguments do not an interesting discussion make, and I have to go anyways, so again I will wish you and yours the best and be on my way.
Feeling anger isn’t abuse. It’s what you do with that anger that can be abusive.
Went back and read through your responses to other folx in this thread, and it’s clear you arguing in bad faith over the assumptions you’ve made about the tweeter and commenters, so I’ll just wish you good day and farewell to you and your husband.