Sure, I have trauma from being abused by past partners because I was silent for 30 minutes. My spouse (not wife) does as well. Silence is not inherently abusive, getting mad at someone’s silence in the context of this tweet is absolutely abuse. You are not providing an “other side” to this tweet- you’re inserting your unrelated personal experience into a statement about desired relationship dynamics, which is just a healthy desire for an empathetic partner instead of an abusive one.

Tweet: “I want a partner who treats me with respect and empathy instead of violence when I’m quiet”

You: “Stonewalling is unhealthy too”

That’s false equivalency, and a known abuse tactic.

I disagree that your initial response added anything meaningful to the conversation, other than to stoke further discussion, which if that is what you were hoping to accomplish you did so with aplomb. And that’s great, and welcome. My position is that responding to silence (whatever the reason) with violence is abuse. That in no way undermines your point that using silence as a tool for manipulation is also abuse.

The tweet though simply states a desire for a partner who reacts with empathy instead of anger as something to build towards in partnership, and is actually pretty un-vague about it. That feels pretty healthy and uncontroversial to me personally. Perhaps it is merely a difference of interpretation, but the language of the tweet is pretty cut-and-dry in my opinion.

I appreciate the discussion, and agree with your stance about abuse in relationships, I just disagree that the silence in the tweet is the abuse, and not the anger at it.

It can be for sure, but that is not what the tweet is about. You are making a false equivalency, tis that simple.

I was simply pointing out that stonewalling or giving the silent treatment isn’t healthy either

This is the entire issue though, nowhere in the tweet is stonewalling or giving the silent treatment implied. It simply states that they are silent all day, clearly the wanting to be asked “why” implies a desire for empathy and understanding as opposed to being met with anger and frustration at being quiet.

Thanks for editing after I replied.

I wrote and posted the edit before I saw your reply, and then also replied to your reply. So Idk what you’re on about here.

Silence ≠ stonewalling

The “either” in your initial response implies that the silence is the problem, not the response to it.

That’s a very healthy behavior for sure.

I added this as an edit to my previous response, but it does directly address your response so I’ll put it here too:

“You came out swinging stating that this tweet is categorically unhealthy, and then arguing your point by reading “silent” as “bad mood” which is not in any way implied by the tweet. All the tweeter wants is a partner whose response to a change in behavior is curiosity/concern/empathy instead of anger/blame.”

It appears to me that the entire conflict in this thread is due to the interpretation of silent as bad mood and asking why as being the point instead of the reaction being the issue.

Edit: Does that seem like an accurate read to you?

And it seems to me that that is also what the tweet is saying. I don’t see any difference between what the tweeter wants and what my spouse and I have.

Edit to add: You came out swinging stating that this tweet is categorically unhealthy, and then arguing your point by reading “silent” as “bad mood” which is not in any way implied by the tweet. All the tweeter wants is a partner whose response to a change in behavior is curiosity/concern/empathy instead of anger/blame.

Why? What makes being silent unhealthy? This sounds like you’re imposing your own personal ideas about healthy behavior on everyone. My partner and I frequently don’t speak to each other at all for the day after an intense workweek because we simply need to recover and that’s what works for us. Tis actually the healthiest way for us to connect after a tough day to be in silence together. We’ve been married for over a decade at this point. I have had past relationships where the exact situation in the tweet occurs and it was always devastating to be told I’m “acting different” or that something is wrong with me instead of being asked how I am doing or why I’m being quiet.

Nowhere in the tweet does it say anything about any type of mood. Literally all it says is that they’ve been quiet all day, which could be the result of any number of things, including, but not limited to, having had a long day, having expended too much energy at work or simply just being tired. Maybe they’re overstimulated and just need to not talk for a while. Having a partner who gets mad at you for “being different” instead of asking why you are being quiet and treating you with empathy is, in fact, toxic.

Heck yeah, will do! Now it’s just a matter of getting my circle to actually use it lol

Edit to add: Seconding the offline status idea, it would be helpful to have a “last updated” feature so friends can know if this is up-to-date.

This is a fantastic idea! Love the concise easy-to-understand ui. As an AuDHDer, I think this will be a useful tool for keeping friends up-to-date on the likelihood of plans falling through lol

Edit to add: It would be cool to have a “busy/available” toggle too, as I could see situations where stating social battery + social availability would be useful (ie. when you’ve made plans for after work but are unsure if you’ll have the energy to follow through, could mark self as busy and update social battery accordingly throughout the day)