I, am trying to understand if I have habits. My definition of a habit is: “Something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it” from the Harvard Dictionary
And It might look weird written here, but, I am not certain I have Habits. The most classic example is “Brush your teeth every night and morning”, but I don’t see myself naturally going to do it and most of the time I forget this and can’t seem to do it everytime a lot. So I can’t take that as an example of a Habit.
I eat everyday. But I don’t naturally go unconsciously eat every day. I forget every morning to eat, which makes me hungry at 12h, and at night I go est because I feel in my belly I need food, or because my Girlfriend is angry I didn’t eat yet very late because she asks me almost daily.
Hell I adore coffe, but in the morning I can just fully not think about doing a coffee. And I do take a coffee almost daily but because I think about all my pack of coffees that I putted behind my monitor with my grinder. It’s not a “natural thing I go do”? Because I can forget it if there is no joy stimuli for a coffee.
Ok last thing. I try to go swimming, but it’s because my girlfriend reminds me I really wanted to delete my belly, or because I think about my ideal me being more in shape and less tired everyday (which I’ve seen results on that part before stopping for no reason 2 weeks). When I go to the swimming pool, I put my stuff in the same area of Lockers, not always the same but the same area because I won’t forget. And I then go put my towel near the exit of the pool to dry myself when getting out of the water. Are those two things habits, or are those things logical choices that make sense in the current situation and I am overthinking this?
This is the longest question ever, but yeah, what’s a Habit I think, I’ve been running the question in my head for a few weeks now
Yeah the locker/towel thing would be a habit especially if you don’t actively think about it.
You may not have a strong daily routine but all humans have habits and it’s precisely because you don’t actively think about them a lot that it’s can be hard to become cognizant of them.
They also include behavioral preferences such as scratching your chin with your right hand when lost in thought 🤔, calling your girlfriend ‘honey’ frequently, consuming certain foods/beverages more than others, separating the trash, opening up social Media on your smart phone when bored, or taking your jacket with you when you go outside.
Those are not the same for everyone but everyone has them useless maybe some severe medical condition is present.
Thank you so much for this response!!!
There’s a route you take when you walk to the front door, there’s a hand you open it with, there’s a way you shift your weight as you open it. Yes, usually going to the pastry shop on the weekend can be a habit too, but there really are tons your never think about.
When someone calls your name, do you look or not? Fast or slow? When someone tells you their name do you repeat it to yourself in your head? Any of these things you do consistently without thinking are habits, and anything you do consistently through mental effort can be too, even if they aren’t automatic.
Not sure if you are per se, but this is a commonly felt sentiment in the neurodivergent community. Especially ADHD and Autistic peeps.
Yeah, that, might be the reason I I fell lost about what a Habit is. I’ve been ridding on the question of trying to understand myself better for the past few months. I stopped thinking about it for a while waiting for the moment I could go see a professional and get an official thing, because I was also scared that trying to look too much into it I don’t want to “take, or push back” certain traits of myself to enter in a certain “shape” of people. But recently a person told me I should try to use a calendar to work on and create habits and the question of habits has been turning around in my head
Ok well if you are neurodivergent, a couple things:
Autism self diagnosis is valid if you do your research. University of WA recently did a study that figured that out.
ADHD typically needs a diagnosis from a professional to be sure, but it’s not super hard to guess if you have it. Some symptoms of ADHD can be caused by other conditions (anxiety especially) so navigate that one with caution.
If you are neurodivergent, typically the answer is routines rather than habits. I find them much easier to implement. Just decide the task you want to make into a routine, decide the steps you want to do it in, and then decide to always do it that way, or at least until you want to optimize or tweak it. A simple routine I do is “keys, wallet, phone, ear buds” while tapping my pockets on the way out of the door.
Thank you for those words. I’m waiting to finally go back to my country and stay there long enough to have the time to see someone and get to know myself more definitely to just have that answer in my life
Good luck on your travels! The road to enlightenment is lifelong, not a race. I wish you the best!
My idea is something like showering, or locking your door/car. You can find yourself questioning it: did I wash my X? Did I lock my front door? You did it because it’s a “force of habit”.
Habits can be really hard. I really struggle with them as part of my ADHD. I could have written this post myself.
It might be worth considering an ADHD assessment. ADHD and autism commonly occur together
Every day I get closer to booking an appointment with a dr to discuss ADHD and Autism, for years people around me and in professional worlds have said I exhibit lots of the symptoms.
Then I Rea’s things like this and think maybe I really do.
Although I’ve made it to 30 without a problem I think.
I sought a diagnosis because I wasn’t able to function in daily life. I genuinely believe that I would have become homeless because of my inability to get and keep a job. I was really struggling, and getting diagnosed and treated for it has changed my life in fundamental ways. It allowed me to access supports that were otherwise unavailable to me.
I still have problems with executive dysfunction and memory and those sorts of things, but I can actually function and have a life now.
In saying that, you don’t have to have problems of that severity to justify seeking a diagnosis. If you think you might have ADHD and you think you might benefit from treatment, I encourage you to explore your options. It might end up changing your life for the better even if you think you’ve done alright for yourself so far.
It can be rather expensive though. Whether you think it is worth the cost will be up to you. I spent around 10% of my savings at the time to get diagnosed, and I am so glad that I did.
My biggest problem in life is anything outside work. Going to the shops, Drs appointments, cleaning etc all insurmountable chores. They’re not even that big. Which drives me mad.
Along with the stupid amounts of money I spend hobby hopping.
I used to work away on a mine site for one month then get one week off and that was a simple life, routine and work. Now I live in town work a regularish job life has become hard.
That sounds incredibly frustrating. It’s like suffering twice; once because you don’t get the benefits of having the thing done, and again because you start beating yourself up for not being able to do the thing.
I feel very lucky that I had a close friend who was willing to do all the admin work to help me get diagnosed. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do it all by myself.
Yeah this reminds me I need to send an email to cancel a gym membership from my old gym. Save myself 20 dollars a week. Just need to send an email. I’m doing it right now
I need to rly get my team tickets back are the prices are gone go up 😅 thought about it for the last 3 days
How did you go with the email?
I sent it, so well I guess cheers
Thank you, I’m actually awaiting to go back to my country and have the time to see someone to finally get the answer, while I wait I’m left with questions I try to answer for myself
I do think the pool stuff would count as a habit. Do you have to make the decision to put your stuff in those locations? Or do you just do it, as if you’ve already made the decision?
I do think about the fact it makes sense to out it at the same place to find it easier, then from that I without thinking but it where it was last time
“Delete my belly” this is hilarious
Skadoosh, boom no belly!
I usually think of habits in terms of willpower. It’s just one perspective, which is focused on the development of positive habits and routines.
Willpower is like muscle. You can only use so much before you get tired and it stops working, and if you regularly use it eventually it will get stronger. So, the strength of a habit depends on how much willpower it takes to complete. If you go for a run every morning without even thinking about it, that’s a strong habit. If you do it regularly but have to drag yourself out of bed, it’s a weak habit.
Worth noting that a key to building habits is to work on one at a time until it takes very little willpower.
A Habit is when it takes you less brain to do it, because it has become automatic.
What we call “muscle memory” is actually Kahneman1 mind, he calls it “System 1”, but that’s a useless label, without context, and its function is imprint->reaction.
“Thinking Fast & Slow”, the most profoundly-important book in the whole world, right now ( because the ideologies/prejudices are trying to displace Kahneman2 mind, considered-reasoning, from all authority in our world, and the more stressed everybody gets, the more success they have in doing-so ) is on the difference between the 2 systems.
Imprint->reaction mind can be quite useful, in one’s mental-economy, as it makes things happen on autopilot, but … if one tolerates its systematic substituting of its convenient reactions, for the actually required actions, … it can become strategically dangerous…
Interferes with your responsibilities
This is were habit stops and addiction starts.
There are good habits, so I don’t think this is a good definition.
