Here’s why I think I’m a selfish person. I have really bad intrusive thoughts, I need to speak with a therapist on this, too. If I were given the choice between Choice A) Anything I want/a million dollars but I have to kill my friend(s) or B) My friend(s) stay(s) alive but I don’t get what I want, I would probably kill my friend. Especially when pressured. But I’m complex. I value human life, pretty much, or any life in general, and don’t want to kill anybody. I would just kill when or if necessary and if I didn’t get caught. I still care about my friendships though, so I don’t say I’m gonna kill them or go out of my way to harm them or our friendship. I would really prefer to have all my friends as is but I feel like if pressured enough between two choices, I would kill to get what I want. I’m so ashamed of this, I feel SO bad.
Why am I like this? This depresses me. I try my best to be friendly and kind, but I’m secretly probably a psychopath or something (no offense to people with ASPD)
This symptoms of disturbing intrusive thoughts, points to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Check out OCD, and see if the Obsession part of the disorder lines up with your personal experience. It is likely to ring true when you read it, which is a solid reason to talk to a doctor or get a psychiatry referral.
Signs and Symptoms, not Indicator of Character.
If you don’t get a formal diagnosis and get a formal treatment plan up and running, you’ll be fighting this on Hard Mode.
Don’t diagnose people on the internet. You don’t have the full picture here
Which is why I suggested getting a formal diagnosis and treatment plan, you wankel rotary engine.