Due to low self esteem and poor social skills, i dont usually approach women irl, also i fear im making them scaried or im bothering them. When i do, im usually rejected and i get really sad over this and i usually drink alcohol as a coping mechanism. All girls i approached in my life rejected me. I know im not entitled to relationships or anything and they have all the right to reject me, but i still get very sad over this, but i feel like using alcohol only makes things worse. I approached a girl at the gym, asked for her name, presented myself, i told her i considered her and her smile and voice beautiful, but ultimately i was rejected. I dont know if im overreacting or if its fine to drink in such occasions.
I drank a lot this night. Felt good but i feel like the effects take a toll. I usually drink because i feel like if im not entitled to a yes, i am entitled to be sad and suffer, but even though i feel better after crying and drinking, i think it would be better for me to take the rejection more maturely and not let myself be sad over it. The main problem is that when im rejected, i feel like i will never hear a “yes”. I never try to show frustration in front of the woman, i try to make sure that i took the rejection rightly and she doesnt need to worry about anything, but the moment i feel like i and her are not visible to each other anymore i go drink
If that’s the case, you should absolutely find a different outlet. Be it exercise of some kind, meditation, or even just a long walk. Alcohol can be very insidious in that kind of situation.
While cliché, I do think it’s helpful to everyone to have a therapist. A therapist is great to discuss and vent these kind of things to, even if it’s just because it allows you to speak freely outside of the sphere of your friend/family groups and what-not. Otherwise, reading books such as cPTSD by Pete Walker, can be a great assistance if getting a therapist isn’t accessible. It certainly helped me recognize some unhealthy thought patterns and work thru past trauma before finding a therapist.
If you’re interested in learning more about healthy dating/relationship practices, I’ve found the following very helpful
Dating Advice that applies to everyone
Debunking the toxic manosphere