• Krauerking@lemy.lolEnglish
      5·
      23 days ago

      They absolutely were and It’s a little gross how much they just look from afar and go " Yeah, but our parents never loved us really."

      Dude same and you aren’t doing much better, and I will never own a house so fuck off.

      • VirtualOdour@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        4·
        22 days ago

        As s genx I totally agree, seeing the problems so clearly then just saying ‘I can’t believe the boomers let this hsppen’ while doing nothing about any of it is infuriating.

    • The Menemen!@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      22 days ago

      I think this is as much about early millenials as about late Gen X. Early Gen X are just worried they’ll never get grandchildren at this point.

  • Schwim Dandy@lemm.eeEnglish
    70·
    23 days ago

    That’s an incredibly accurate way of describing what looking at dating today feels like.

  • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
    711·
    23 days ago

    Tinder and the other apps are pretty bad. Partly because they want to make money, not matches.

    But also partly because the users suck at using them. People are like “I want interesting conversation” but reply with nothing but “lol”. Come in my dude put some work in.

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.worldEnglish
      30·
      23 days ago

      But also partly because the users suck at using them. People are like “I want interesting conversation” but reply with nothing but “lol”.

      A lot of profiles on these sites are entirely fake or bot-operated, to boost the impression that you’re getting matches. Some profiles are run by data miners who swipe match on everyone just to get the additional data that comes with a match. Others are run by businesses that are using the profiles for promotion.

      Slapping “I want interesting conversation” in the profile is a great way to bait engagement, but more often than not there’s no dating prospect on the other side of the profile. This isn’t a string of incredibly vapid women you’re running into, its dummy accounts and scams.

      • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
        11·
        23 days ago

        Somehow I hadn’t even considered fake profiles. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse about the situation.

        • swan@lemmy.worldEnglish
          12·
          23 days ago

          My coworker told me that even restaurants will post “profiles”, get matches and set up first dates at their establishments. The person will obviously get stood up, but they are more likely to spend money in the establishment since they’re already there. Like maybe a drink or 2.

        • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.worldEnglish
          4·
          23 days ago

          Better about your future potential dating pool but worse about the tech industry is where I went with it.

          There’s a cute little audiobook I listened to recently, called “The Verifiers” which was written by a person who worked professionally in the dating app industry and turned her experience into a thriller novel. Definitely made me feel better about getting the run around, since this is apparently the professional standard and not just me being uniquely stupid.

    • bountygiver@lemmy.mlEnglish
      15·
      23 days ago

      yup if any dating service needs you to pay a subscription instead of a one time payment and it helps you until you succeed, they have an active incentive to keep you as a customer as long as possible and guess what makes you stop being a customer.

      • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
        10·
        23 days ago

        Weirdly, none of them really focus on the non-monogamous market. There’s a section of likely long term users.

        • ryathal@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          5·
          23 days ago

          I’m not someone remotely into that market, but my understanding is there isn’t a huge demand for this outside the Ashley Madison type who are cheating. The various cliques have their own methods of finding each other and generally aren’t interested in broadcasting that to a wider market.

          • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
            111·
            23 days ago

            A lot of the polyamorous people I know are on the apps or have tried them, but aren’t happy with them. Partly because the apps generally aren’t good, and partly because you end up with a lot of wasted “your desired relationship structure isn’t what I want” matches.

            OkCupid has some support for it, but that app hasn’t been good or interesting in years. Tinder lets you pick your relationship type, but you can’t like filter by it. Soneone threatened to “report me” on Hinge (I think?) for wanting a non monogamous relationship. Maybe they thought relationship anarchy was something dangerous.

            This might be different outside of NYC, where I am.

            • Semi-Hemi-Lemmygod@lemmy.worldEnglish
              3·
              22 days ago

              This might be different outside of NYC, where I am.

              Dating outside of a major city is incredibly hard, and being non-mono makes it even harder.

  • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.worldEnglish
    67·
    23 days ago

    Oh God yes.

    Look me and my wife met on a dating site. No shame in this. We both had pretty detailed profiles with lots of photos and luckily for us we were living fairly close by in the same stages in life. Our first date we both kinda knew what we were about. At the same time neither of us had real social media accounts so yeah no weird stalking games.

    Now, me and her dated for three years until we moved in together. That was enough time. Time to see each other as people, warts and all. We have our share of embarrassing memories. I remember the time she got wasted and threw up BBQ squid and wine on me on the train. She remembers the time my card got declined at dinner. We had seen each other frustrated, failing at something, ill, broke, in the morning, drunk, out of work, and all the other downs real humans have. Both of us decided we were okay with that and well we are still together today.

    Now I see the black mirror like horrorshow that is tinder from my younger friends and hear them say things how they consider it sus if you aren’t on Instagram. I see them acting like a date is a job interview. Gameification and weird cryptic terms like “high value”. Long lists of must haves and must nots.

    Mother of fuck how and why would anyone want this? I felt like we had it pretty well figured out when in my early 20s. You could meet someone the traditional way or you could use a dating site and find someone who has the same fun hobbies as you. Oh they aren’t exactly who you normally date? Ok. See what happens.

    • Krauerking@lemy.lolEnglish
      14·
      23 days ago

      Gameification and weird cryptic terms like “high value”.

      Oh man have you seen that ad that is all about how it’s a dating site only for “high value” people called like Elite Singles or some bullshit.

      Literally they make it seem everyone is literally some Sherlock type when most people that think they are, are much more likely Lastrade except hyping crypto more.

      I think everyone is just looking for a way to pretend harder that nothing is wrong and if they grind their face against the wheel a little harder they will be finally able to be good enough off to not think about it all. It seems miserable.

      • ramjambamalam@lemmy.caEnglish
        14·
        23 days ago

        “High value” is also a term used in the FemaleDatingStrategy community, which is a community of women who advocate for traditional chivalry, abstinence until commitment, and strongly opposes BDSM under the belief that it’s essentially abuse.

        I’m not sure if that has any bearing on the emptymology of the common usage of the term.

        • booly@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          3·
          22 days ago

          They’re flipping the Pickup Artist concepts on men, so that particular concept long predates app based dating and the FDS community. “High Value” is definitely a specific phrase used in discussing attracting women over 20 years ago.

    • ramjambamalam@lemmy.caEnglish
      121·
      22 days ago

      We both had pretty detailed profiles with lots of photos

      Same with my wife and I who met online a couple of years back. Even back then, lots of other men would complain about having a hard time getting matches, being poorly treated on dates, etc. which did happen to me, but just as often I’d make a promising connection.

      I think part of the reason I was relatively successful despite not being terribly attractive is I treated online dating a bit like online shopping, whereas I think others treat it like a virtual version of bumping in to someone at a bar.

      To give you an example of a profile I might skip:

      My idea of a great first date: Just about anything!
      Likes: food, traveling, and probably your dog
      Dealbreakers: pineapple on pizza

      First prompt tells me nothing about you besides you’re easy going. That’s a great opportunity to share something you like doing, squandered.

      Second prompt is the same likes that everybody writes in their profile, and doesn’t lead to naturally staring a unique conversation. Everybody likes “travel and food” so, “Where have you travelled,” and, “What’s your favourite food,” are well-trodden and tired topics IMO. Either share something specific about food or travel, or mention something else entirely.

      Third prompt takes another opportunity to save us both some time by stating an actual deal breaker, squandered into a cliche joke.

      A better version of that profile could be (just winging it off the top of my head):

      My idea of a great first date: I love to ride my bike! Let’s ride some trails and then get a dessert. I know the best spot in town for croissants!
      Likes: blunt communication and lots of personal space to get to know someone
      Dealbreakers: if you still live with your parents

      First prompt tells me that you like biking which could be a conversation breaker about which trails you like, what type of bike you ride, and we could also talk about that croissant place, or our other favourite desserts.

      Second prompt is useful as someone approaching dating you, and could be a deal breaker for potential suitors.

      Third prompt states a real deal breaker which could save us both time, and it’s not something (religion, political affiliation, hair colour) which is usually covered in the profile and filterable in your preferences, or in photos.

      In my opinion, there were a lot more of the former type of profiles, but I found it easier to break the ice and connect with the latter type of profile. The former profile is fine if you’re both just looking for a hook up and the prompts are secondary to the eye candy, but if you’re looking for a long lasting connection, it’s all about the prompts.

      My question to those who are dating just a couple of years later: how have things changed?

      • EatATaco@lemm.eeEnglish
        11·
        22 days ago

        whereas I think others treat it like a virtual version of bumping in to someone at a bar.

        Little to do with your point, but I think it’s worth mentioning here.

        I read this whole thing about how it’s absolutely nothing like bumping into someone in a bar which is part of why it’s so bad.

        The jist of it is that in a bar, your options are limited. So even if someone doesn’t visually meet your ideal, you often get over the hump quickly and get to know them as a person which might all of a sudden make them attractive to you.

        On an app, if they don’t meet your visual ideal, the next candidate is just a figurative swipe left and so there is zero chance to get over that hump.

        • Buddahriffic@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          22 days ago

          Plus, in an app, you don’t see the group of people surrounding the most attractive options, whether they are trying to filter through them or have fun with each one they like.

          Also, you can lower your tolerance of the less fun stuff because it feels like there’s always more options available. Like someone but they aren’t available on a free day you have? Someone else might be available on that day, so just pivot to them. Or try both at once, or keep the other on the backburner, only to discover they could read the sudden adjusted level of interest and aren’t as keen themselves anymore.

          It happened once to me in RL. I met one girl at a bar one night, hit it off with her well. Then, that same week, she wasn’t able to come to another bar I was going to and I started out wingmanning for a friend by talking to the friend of someone he was interested in so he could talk to her and ended up going home with that friend. I couldn’t handle having two girls being interested and ended up screwing it up with both. But that’s what it almost always feels like with online dating, and I bet it’s even worse for women who get way more matches.

          And on top of that, I know that Tinder makes more money if someone wants to find a partner but fails to. I know they have incentive to hire people (or bots) to match, chat for a bit, then flake out. Or independent scammers looking to chat and take money. I have a paid sub and had what seemed like a great match right as renewal was coming up, then she flaked before a date could happen. Who knows if she was real or not, she could have been but at this point it’s hard to get excited about meeting anyone, which makes it harder to engage genuinely, and I hardly feel anything even when I do match with someone that I think I’d really like.

          I’m glad I’m generally content being single or this would be pretty depressing.

      • SparrowRanjitScaur@lemmy.worldEnglish
        344·
        23 days ago

        I don’t get all the hate dating apps get. I met my wife on bumble, so maybe I’m biased. But still, it seems significantly better than the methods previous generations had (blind dating, speed dating, getting introduced to random friends that might happen to have something in common).

        What’s the alternative? You just happen to get lucky enough to meet someone in your daily life that’s a good fit? One of the advantages of dating apps is that you get introduced to a much larger pool of potential partners than you otherwise would, which makes it significantly easier to filter out the wheat from the chaff and find a good fit.

        • Dhs92@programming.devEnglish
          54·
          23 days ago

          I think part of the problem is dating apps keep getting worse and worse as they try to squeeze as much profit out of their users as possible. Tinder just came out with a $500/month tier

          • brognak@lemm.eeEnglish
            21·
            23 days ago

            Pretty much this. I remember OG OkCupid and it was rad. It was a site ran by data nerds who wanted to help nerds find each other, and they wrote pretty frequent blog posts about their findings and how they were changing things up all for like ~$15 a month. All that started eroding until they got bought out by Match and its a cesspool of microtransactions now.

        • BakerBagel@midwest.socialEnglish
          15·
          23 days ago

          Dating apps are designed to keep you on them. They cant make money of you use them for a few months and then delete it.

          Young people are actually using social media platforms like Instagram and Snapchat to date. People you sorta knew in high school or college, share some mutual interests, and then hang out from there and see what happens.

          • SparrowRanjitScaur@lemmy.worldEnglish
            42·
            23 days ago

            Not really. Humans live very differently today than they did throughout the past several millions of years. Cities and 9-5’s were not the norm until relatively recently. Unless you have a group you hang out with where you constantly meet new people it can be very different to find a partner in modern society without some form of dating.

              • SparrowRanjitScaur@lemmy.worldEnglish
                22·
                23 days ago

                That’s funny. Obviously cities go back thousands of years, but I don’t think it was the norm for the majority of humans to live in them until the last several hundred years or less. But in general, I do believe humans have fewer group social activities than we used to, and therefore fewer opportunities to meet new people.

                There’s a cultural aspect to this too. I know in China it’s common for parents to be matchmakers and find other parents that have single kids for them to go on dates with. And historically in India arranged marriage has been common. So I’m probably looking at this from a western lens. But still, as far as dating goes online dating seems to be the modern evolution of it. And in my opinion an improvement.

                • ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.eeEnglish
                  5·
                  23 days ago

                  Well if you were in a rural area you would just trade like 2 goats for a dowry. Times were much more simple back then.

        • Buelldozer@lemmy.todayEnglish
          21·
          23 days ago

          Paid apps is where it went wrong. It stopped being something that happened organically and became a gamified P2W experience that catered to narcissists.

          • Asafum@feddit.nlEnglish
            3·
            23 days ago

            And the narcissistic aggressive assholes made it 1000x worse for everyone else…

            So many “upgrades” were made to “protect” people but all that really amounted to was: people won’t see your messages unless they already like you (so no introducing yourself). Message limits so you can only send one new message a day, so for us guys who get ignored 99.9999999999% of the time we’re now stuck on the site 10000x longer. No browsing method, only swiping so people “disappear” once you’ve made a decision in that moment. Etc etc…

            Now sites like plenty of fish have fucking live steaming … Talk about narcissists… They even have messages like “not looking, only here to stream.” They’re just milking the desperate guys who throw money at them for validation or whatever…

            Dating, especially as a 30+ in 2024 is disgustingly depressing…

        • isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
          71·
          23 days ago

          i don’t know about the exact point/year, but probably when it went from meeting someone online to the only thing that matters being exterior looks

        • The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          51·
          23 days ago

          I’m sure those who are still dating do now, but dating apps didn’t really start becoming popular until the mid 2010s, and millennials were well into their 20s already. Lots were able to take that last chopper out.

          • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            102·
            23 days ago

            Man, I wasn’t even trying to settle down in my 20’s a little. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I thought about slowing down with the casual hook ups and happened to reconnect with a nice man from high school.

            Do meet up groups not exist anymore? Does Gen Z lack any space to explore mutual hobbies and meet new people?

            • kibiz0r@midwest.socialEnglish
              17·
              23 days ago

              Does Gen Z lack any space to explore mutual hobbies and meet new people?

              Shared interests have pretty much moved online, free/cheap places for physical meetups are disappearing, and in a car-dependent world you’re not gonna meet someone randomly in-between your planned out destinations.

            • Kalothar@lemmy.caEnglish
              6·
              23 days ago

              I mean it seems the same as it ever was to me, newly single younger Millennial here and I’m seeing a Gen Z woman.

              Seems the biggest change in the last 4ish years is there are a lot more ethical Non-monogamy people, but I’m wondering if that’s just a youth culture thing.

              The woman I’ve been seeing says that she is ENM, but all her actions indicate otherwise to me. Which I don’t mind, Im not really non-monogamous, just pretty open and flexible with things. Also below age 25-30 have a lot more “doesn’t want kids” vibes going on

              • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
                71·
                23 days ago

                FWIW I know plenty of Millenials who practice ENM or polyamory in some fashion, but I think that may just be more common in the queer community and I don’t see as many straight people doing it, or at least doing it well.

          • TheDoozer@lemmy.worldEnglish
            2·
            23 days ago

            It was more late 00s. I met my wife on OkC in 2008, and Match and it had been around for awhile at that point. It was still something vaguely embarrassing, and people didn’t usually talk about using those.

        • spamfajitas@lemmy.worldEnglish
          42·
          23 days ago

          The apps hadn’t been so thoroughly ruined by Match Group yet. OKCupid used to publish interesting detailed reports about dating habits. Plenty of Fish wasn’t full of bots and scammers. The apps that charged you for basic features were largely avoided. The experience was weird and new.

          The dating app landscape as it is now is basically just whichever is the latest one until Match acquires it.

          • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            141·
            23 days ago

            That’s how I ended up finding any decent relationship. Tried the app thing for a bit, which was mostly fun for hook ups, but awful for finding any kind of actual connection.

            • SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.worldEnglish
              1·
              23 days ago

              Probably not a coincidence the app doesn’t work out. They earn money as long as people stay on the app, so you finding a long term partner is bad for their business, so they want you to keep dating.

          • Droggelbecher@lemmy.worldEnglish
            4·
            23 days ago

            Those of us who are right on the cusp (let’s say 95-99) all use the apps but end up finding partners irl instead anyway. Either that or not at all. Just not on the apps.

        • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
          61·
          23 days ago

          I started dating my partner before Tinder existed and when I watch my friends play Tinder it looks like such a depressing nightmare. It’s like… got microtransactions and shit. Wondering when they’re adding a battlepass.

          Makes for a good dick menu, but for actual relationships it makes me sooooo happy I’ve found my eternal person before all of this shit existed.

        • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
          51·
          23 days ago

          Many millennials developed relationships / got married before dating apps really blew up. Plus, the cultural pressures of today make being single look very different from when I was.

        • Zip2@feddit.ukEnglish
          73·
          23 days ago

          Gen z and millennials are the only cohorts now? Get off my lawn.

          • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            163·
            23 days ago

            No no of course not, I simply forgot Gen X existed and I don’t care how earlier generations did it, they seem miserable and bitter.

            • Zip2@feddit.ukEnglish
              5·
              23 days ago

              That made me laugh!

              I mean you’re not entirely wrong, but have you considered that might just be a side effect of getting on in years rather than not having dating apps 30+ years ago?

              • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
                41·
                23 days ago

                I’m glad the joke was well received, sometimes flippant sarcasm lands flat online!

                I think there’s a lot of factors that could play into my parent’s (I’m in my mid 30’s, fwiw) generation seeming to suffer such marital woes. I think there was a lot of social pressure to marry and have children quickly that put them in relationships they may not have ideally chosen and at younger ages. People seem to change a lot during their 20’s. I absolutely found myself connecting well with some people at age 21 who I couldn’t stand by age 24. I think there was a lot of sexual repression as well. I wonder if my parents generation had had more freedom to explore LGBTQ and polyamorous relationships without fear of ostracization or worse consequences if they’d be overall happier in their marriages, even if they ended up in a heterosexual relationship. I dunno what it is, but the gays of every generation just seem happier on the whole.

                I think the contemporary ideas on divorce also influenced people to stay in relationships they did not want to be in, and, frankly, the lack of social mobility for women seriously negatively impacted women’s abilities to leave toxic relationships. That was lessened in my parent’s generation from their parent’s, but it still existed and it still exists to some extent today.

                Maybe it’s simply getting older? But I think it’s partially that older generations happen to stay in relationships longer, they’re less likely to split when things turn sour. Or even sour-ish.

                I’m not sure if dating is truly easier or harder today than it was ten years ago, twenty years ago, thirty, etc, but it sure is different and, yeah, the apps are pretty much just a data collection program that covers itself with the thin veil of a yenta

          • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
            8·
            23 days ago

            Gen x is not considered, as they are the middle child of generations.

        • Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          4·
          23 days ago

          They did and still do. Anybody dating today regardless of their age is likely to try a dating app at least for a bit. Don’t buy into this generational division.

        • DerisionConsulting@lemmy.caEnglish
          1·
          23 days ago

          It was more of a “dating site” situation, compared to a “dating app” one.

          The dating sites generally showed at least something of a profile at the same time as the picture(s), so it wasn’t 100% based on looks.

          Grindr, growlr, and scruff were good for one thing, and (basically) everyone on them knew what the deal was.

        • Sabata@ani.socialEnglish
          11·
          23 days ago

          I got 2 bots that wanted me to pay a Instahoe. No humans around.

      • khapyman@sopuli.xyzEnglish
        4·
        23 days ago

        I’m old enough to be in this relationship for nearly 20 years. It started on a dating site, in the early 2000’s Internet and that site managed to get two introverts into happy union. I think that would look rather different for more social butterflies.

  • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
    58·
    23 days ago

    I watch single millennial friends dating at it looks fucking miserable.

    Very lucky to be hitched

    • themeatbridge@lemmy.worldEnglish
      10·
      23 days ago

      I have a friend who is recently divorced.

      Don’t get me wrong, they’re both better off, but it’s bleak out there for singles.

      • The_v@lemmy.worldEnglish
        146·
        23 days ago

        It’s an age thing.

        People with desirable traits for pairing up do so more frequently than those who lack these traits. As individuals pair up, the average quality of the remaining unpaired pool declines.

        So the dating pool for early 20 year olds might be 1 dud: 20 mediocre: 1 winner. By the time people hit 40 the dating pool is 500 duds: 5 mediocre: 1 winner.

        • Tryptaminev@lemm.eeEnglish
          121·
          23 days ago

          I dont think this is accurately describing people and how they develop. You have many people that are fine partners but got stuck in toxic relationships. You have people that were great “matches” in their twenties but turned to become terribly self absorbed arseholes in their thirties and vice versa you have people who developed to become very decent. You have people that were fine but wanted to sleep aroung in their 20s and then became monogamous and people who did the opposite.

          Also you entirely ignore that as more people are permanently in relationships with increasing age that also means the “competition” reduces.

          Finally this assume the observer to be somewhat static in their relation to other people being duds, mediocre or winner. But given your numbers they would become more likely to be duds or mediocre as they get single at higher age. Two “mediocre” can make a fine couple. And quite frankly, if the only people someone ever get to know are “duds” chance is he or she needs to work through some issues.

          • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.worldEnglish
            6·
            23 days ago

            Of course it doesn’t match the data. It is the just world fallacy. Failure occurs because a person is a failure and you know that because our world only allows just results. Success occurs because a person has merit and you know that because our world only allows just results.

            Could be a million reasons why a person is single in their 30s? Nah only one.

          • The_v@lemmy.worldEnglish
            15·
            22 days ago

            How about you try reading what I wrote again. Apparently my simple analysis was too complex for you to understand.

            A few basics for the logically and statistically impaired. This is a simple analysis of the probability of pairing up.

            Having desirable traits for pairing up: I didn’t mentioned what these were to for a very good reason. It doesn’t matter to the analysis. What matters is the resulting rate of pairing up. Those that have traits desirable to pairing up are removed from the dating pool more quickly than those that don’t.

            This creates a constant strong selection pressure of removal on the pool.

            I also used to terms to describe the potential relationship not the people. Because who or what these people are is immaterial.

            Dud = no chance of pairing up.

            Mediocre = moderate chance of paring up.

            Winner = pairing up.

            Seriously…

        • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          23 days ago

          Yeah so this type of narratives is why I am very very glad I am happily married. I don’t rank humans, I don’t think of humans in terms of what they can do for me only. I am also aware that a disturbing high degree of what we are is what situation we are in.

          I make six-figures and I have been homeless. Generally your brain works worse as you get older so homeless me was smarter than uppermiddle class me. I know he was in a lot better shape physically and had a full set of hair.

          I can make you a shitty person by giving you a foot injury. I can make you a loving person with women weed. And you know what? We are all shitty judges of character.

      • ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.eeEnglish
        5·
        23 days ago

        I was divorced at 36 and found a girlfriend 6 months later. It’s really not that bad out there. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself and it makes it a lot easier.

  • callouscomic@lemm.eeEnglish
    537·
    23 days ago

    Everybody says this. I heard this from older people about dating 10 years ago, and 20 years ago. This is just what people say as they get older regardless of how dating changes.

    • Tryptaminev@lemm.eeEnglish
      151·
      23 days ago

      I dunno. There is statistics that show younger people to have less and less sex. And it certainly is not because of more prudeness nowadays. While not the final indicator i do think it to be representative of the general lack of stable relationships.

      • Linkerbaan@lemmy.worldEnglish
        28·
        23 days ago

        Younger people not having homes to rent might be a large contributor.

        Taking someone home to your room in your parents house has never been a “player move”.

        • callouscomic@lemm.eeEnglish
          5·
          23 days ago

          You make a great point. Also dating typically involves going out and that is expensive. I also think people are more honest today. They feel more comfortable not having to lie about it to seem cool. I think past data are skeptically full of some lies padding the data given the peer pressures of older generations behaviors.

    • eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      131·
      23 days ago

      Gotta say I’m glad we can be and date any genders we like these days with much milder pushback (on average) than used to be the case. Really does help zoomers be a lot healthier imo, even if we’ve got other issues in the internet age.

  • Lorindól@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    351·
    23 days ago

    This, definitely.

    We got to live our teens and twenties without smartphones and social media - and it was so awesome.

    You did something incredibly embarassing last weekend when you were drunk? No need to worry about photos or videos online and nobody would remember or care a few weeks later.

    You date someone a few times and things don’t match up? You move on, no need to worry about them stalking or badmouthing you online.

    The world seemed to be on a course for the better and the dumbass populist movements were marginal in most countries. Future looked bright and it was easy to be carefree. We got to enjoy our youths.

    There were no short or vertical videos. You had to read vast majority of the information available, which made you actually process the info. And someone had put in the effort to write the stuff coherently, because no-one would read the kind of crap that video bloggers are spewing out of their mouths.

    By the time we started working, the economic situation was mostly stable and getting a loan for a house or an apartment was pretty much guaranteed.

    And so much more. I count myself extremely lucky to have been born in the late 70’s.

    • Maggoty@lemmy.worldEnglish
      12·
      23 days ago

      80s babies got most of that too except we were the leading edge of the housing and college jobs crisis. Graduated right into the dot com recession and then 2008 wiped the floor with a lot of us.

      But I don’t think the embarrassing history thing is as bad as you think it is. I think it’s just become a red flag to judge your date based on things that were a while ago. The real terror is being stalked. It is way too easy to get stalked these days.

    • Dozzi92@lemmy.worldEnglish
      12·
      23 days ago

      I have some good friends who were born in the 70s, and some born in the early 80s. I’m essentially the cusp. My friends who are only three or four years older went through high school never hiding a phone in a hoodie pocket to text their girlfriend. I got my first cell phone my junior year of high school. Facebook came out essentially contemporaneous with my acceptance to college. Social media then and cell phones then are absolutely not the same as the shit we have now. It was a freedom to communicate, and privacy was your choice. Now, privacy is up to whichever service you use, and most likely it doesn’t exist. And it’s odd because kids today seem to be okay with it.

      Myspace and flip phones were fantastic. There were drawbacks, sure, but overall they allowed people to spread their wings and find like-minded individuals. Now, it seems like it’s a funnel to nowhere.

    • The Menemen!@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      22 days ago

      I am in my early 40s. Stalking and badmouthing was defintly a problem before social media as well.

      I am male and still have that experience. Was much worse for women/girls.

  • SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    32·
    23 days ago

    Yeeeah, I found myself single again after a divorce, and I have not even tried to date seriously after seeing what’s currently on the market.

    Folks out here thinking that dating is a replacement for some much-needed therapy.

    • Tryptaminev@lemm.eeEnglish
      8·
      23 days ago

      If you only have first dates you never need to move past identifying your problems. No work needed to push through them. Check Mate psychos!

  • MY_ANUS_IS_BLEEDING@lemm.eeEnglish
    301·
    23 days ago

    I met my wife in 2011, just before Tinder got big in our area. I remember our single friends being ecstatic when Tinder was first around, saying about how easy it was to meet people.

    Many of them are still single and now well into their 30’s. They talk a lot about wanting to find someone special, but they just swipe and swipe and swipe all day to no avail. Shit’s bleak out there. And I just know that if I didn’t meet my wife I’d probably be stuck in the same rut.

    • LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.worldEnglish
      9·
      23 days ago

      What does Genz dating look like that is different than how anyone else dates? I haven’t done much dating lately. (Been in a relationship for 4 years or so and I’m not gen Z).

      I assume it all goes the same. People in your direct area (work, school, hobbies). Then online dating stuff. Which once again I’m sure varies by preferences.

      • klemptor@startrek.websiteEnglish
        9·
        23 days ago

        I’m Gen X. Online dating didn’t really exist when I started dating my husband in 2000. I mean you could find local people via AOL Chat and maybe there were early versions of things like match.com, but for the most part you met people in meatspace. There wasn’t social media the way we know it now so you couldn’t do much online stalking.

        The online component seems like it introduces a bunch of angst into dating. Due to gender imbalances on dating apps, it seems to become a numbers game for some. And from what I understand, a lot of the female profiles are bots. It also seems like it’s common to check out a potential date’s Instagram or other social media accounts, so rather than organically meeting a person, you’re evaluating a profile, which probably doesn’t give an accurate idea of who the person is. And it seems like young people live their lives increasingly online, so chance encounters in meatspace are rarer, plus it seems there’s some reticence to chat up a stranger to see if it goes somewhere.

        It looks like a massive headache.

      • StaySquared@lemmy.worldEnglish
        515·
        23 days ago

        When the woman expects the man to make $500k/yr. And spend about $300+ daily on said woman.

  • Ballistic_86@lemmy.worldEnglish
    25·
    23 days ago

    I’m on “the apps” as a nearly 40 year old. It is a nightmare for sure. With so many options little things or “not vibing” on the very first in-person interaction ends any chance at forming a relationship.

    While this negative thinking about dating can def lead down or around the incel community, there are def many negative aspects of online dating becoming the norm that are def not ideal.

    • cRazi_man@lemm.eeEnglish
      7·
      23 days ago

      The online dating community seems so messed up. Doesn’t it make sense to move away from that and seek out the people who aren’t embedded in that app culture? The ones who are going to meetups and classes and activities to meet people in person the old fashioned way.

  • Starkstruck@lemmy.worldEnglish
    251·
    22 days ago

    Dating apps are terrible because they don’t want you to actually find a good partner. If you find a good partner, you have no need for the dating app anymore. So they’ll match you with people that’ll peak your interest, but ultimately won’t work out.

    Obviously there’s more to it than just that, but this is a big part of the problem.

    • Rooskie91@discuss.onlineEnglish
      10·
      22 days ago

      Almost everything is owned by the same company, match.com. So all the apps are built to extract as much cash as possible out of whatever demographic they’re designed for. AFAIK the only one that isn’t owned by them is bumble, because the woman who started bumble helped found tinder and was sexually harassed by one of her male co-founders. Imagine that.

      I don’t remember where this figure came from, so take it with a grain of salt, but I believe that something like 75% of all dating app accounts are dudes.

      My afvice is to find a hobby that can be social and meet someone that likes doing what you do. I hear all the hotties are protesting inequality now…

      • Wogi@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        22 days ago

        I met my wife on one of the apps. For the life of me at this point I don’t remember which one.

        I had all but given up on the entire idea of online dating and was ready to delete my profiles. I had spent years, and embarrassingly some actual dollars on these apps, sent probably thousands of messages over the years and had a handful of first dates and little else to show for it.

        I was the first person my wife connected with. Not that she hadn’t dated before, just had never used an app to do it.

    • lichtmetzger@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
      6·
      22 days ago

      I had more luck meeting people on a penpal app than getting a single match on any of the major dating apps. The algorithm just always seems to sort me out. It can really mess with your self esteem when you’re never getting a single match or reply to your messages.

      It’s definitely not me, because I get hundreds of letters on Slowly, where it’s actually about communication and I’m even going on a vacation with a girl I met there next week.

      Tinder & Co. are useless, objectifying apps that build on greed and should be burned to the ground.