Hi everybody!
I’d originally planned on having a big effort post, but I’ve had some Bad BrainTM the last couple weeks so that’ll just have to wait until next time.
In the meantime, it’s my 2 year HRT Anniversary! These past couple years have also been the first time I’ve really been in community with other trans folx; I’ve had so many breakthroughs and discoveries of myself that I don’t think would have been possible without that and I can’t be thankful enough.
I hope everybody has a lovely week!
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
meler* (3/23 - 3/29) Shaleesh* (3/30 - 4/5) Carcharodonna* (4/6 - 4/12) GayTuckerCarlson* (4/13 - 4/19) Busgirl (4/20 - 4/26) SwitchyandWitchy* (4/27 - 5/3) Disaster_of_Passion* (5/4 - 5/10) sodium_nitride* (5-11 - 5/17) peanutbuttercupola* (5/18 - 5/24) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
I guess I haven’t done a mega in a while
Which is crazy cause right now I got the most insane mega lineups possible. Anyone wanna hear about chip manufacturing? Or quantum cryptography? Or maybe even … idk, daoism?
Do the dao of chip manufacturing
peanutbuttercupola* (5/11 - 5/17)
you can go ahead and stick me right back on at the end. thanks!
Went out today. Had a little fun, but it was mostly just going to a family gathering and I never find those actually fun, I don’t connect very well to them. I do better with friends, maybe that’s some autistic trait, or maybe I do better with my friends because they’re all neurodivergent in some way.
I am so tired. Had to walk a bit and did some light shopping too, so I’m mentally and physically exhausted, also from all the working I did this week. I’m completely fine, just really tired. I need rest.
Stop! This is a happiness checkpoint!
You may now continue
Why do the comments go weird when the mega is about done like you have to hit a button to see more comments
listing things I hate (dysphoria and transphobia ofc) (non exhaustive)
- my voice
- like 95% of people
- countries were we do not enjoy all the rights cis people do
- the UK
- republicans
- democrats
- nonsense beliefs
- dogs (too overstimulating)
- people who drive too slow
- people who drive too fast
- having to drive everywhere
- people who remind me of the things I hate about myself
- myself
- not being able to observe after I die (I just wanna know what happens)
- people with dogshit epistemology
- like 95% of people
- overly long lists
- being a negative person
- how shit we are treated by society
- feeling constant hate
- being sober all the time
- being depressed
- people with worse politics then me
- people with better politics then me (makes me feel bad)
- being single
- needing money to get healthcare
- needing to work so dang much
- struggling to read (see #22, also just super frustrating when I want to learn so much)
- how much fucking work every single thing is and how much of it I have to do. Its exhausting.
- life
i was very high energy all this past week but now i think i’m crashing, just so tired today
vicious cycle :(
Get stressed about academics ->
Stress eat ->
“Fuck I’m wasting money on eating” ->
Get stressed about finances ->
Distract self with dopamine ->
Fall further behind in academics and return to step 1 ->
horny-ish
E horny is sooooooooo different. I actually want to kiss now. I really didn’t like it, I just did it for the other person mostly. But now I really want to do it. I want to kiss a girl so good and make her beg for more, but I got no one to do anything with
Tap for spoiler
Already know I’m not going to succeed and will fail again like a miserable [removed]. I’m too fucking dysfunctional to live upto expectations. Trying to become more functional is an uphill battle when every medical appointment comes by so slowly.
I thought about trying to get some exemptions from my uni on a mental health basis. Idk why I don’t want to. Idk what’s wrong with me. I can get help but I don’t trust that it will work.
Me talking about my favorite gaming console: more like the gaycube amirite?
Thought I fumbled a match because I asked her out immediately, but no it just took her three days to respond
a hold over from my single life I still get vids on how to find a relationship advice and all that in my feed, gotta let the algorithm know somehow I got an amazing partner
you ever get that feeling of “oh i should really finish that fanfic, it was so good!” and then you remember that you stopped because it’s still being written and you reached the current end?
existential, depression
Only so many days I ever get to experience and I keep wasting them in this awful, miserable haze. I have felt awful all of today for no particular reason. god it hurts so bad. I am just dragging myself through life. This is horrible
Going to throw out my garbage + some misc stuff I don’t need anymore. With the move I really should start getting more ready if I can.
Some of my learners were complimenting my style, saying I always dress really well and fashionable. I told them:
“Every time I step outside, no matter what I wear, there are people who want to kill me for how I look. It might as well be a look to die for.”
