When your kids are grown, the very idea that they want to hang out with you is an immense source of pride.
As somebody who had a traumatic upbringing (lost dad at a young age, mom allowed an abusive father figure into our lives, grew up closeted LGBT with a very right wing Christian mother), it honestly feels weird and almost alien seeing people with good, healthy relationships with their parent or parents. I can’t deny there’s occasional jealousy, but just the thought of having the desire to just, be with my mom and do stuff with her? It’s one that never crosses my mind.
Like I’ll see folks online talking about their parents and how they see them as close friends in their adulthoods, and that’s always righteous to see! But then I look at the woman who called me a selfish attention seeking brat when I admitted to her I’d nearly blasted my brains open with a shotgun (at the time I was trapped in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship), and I can’t really bring myself to call her my friend. Just the idea of hanging out with her, watching movies or playing games… It just feels strange.
My biggest actual goal with raising my kids. I wanna make sure they want to come home and hang. Okay, maybe second biggest after the obvious “making sure they’re an individual who is equipped to make sound decisions and care for themselves.”
Keep your fridge stocked with their favorite stuff. The way to anyone’s heart is through the stomach.
My dad stopped buying chocolate milk a few years ago and now they wonder why I don’t visit them as much. I’m 34 and chocolate milk is still a great incentive. Shit’s expensive.
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Omg. This is fucking awesome. I’ll tell you what, my child is 100% cool ;)
Are they happy? I think this should be the measure of success for a parent to worry about. Encouraging them to reach goals can absolutely be a part of happiness but I’ve had friends who spiraled down the drain because their parents pushed them so hard to make tangible achievements and completely neglected their actual happiness
My mom used to do this but with kindness. I may be a fuck up but I helped people without being asked and my mom was proud that that’s who I grew up to be
This is what I do with my son. He is truly kind to all people and animals, and I praise that all the time. Our world needs more kindness.
i knew a kid in highschool who was just kind, all the fucking time. No questions asked, just did it to do it.
Dude was awesome, one of the very few people i genuinely respect. Weird, and a little bit funky, but aren’t we all?
Yeah it was really good for my moral development to know my mom was proud I was kind. She always told me that that was what she wanted most for me, first to be a good kind person and second to be happy.
She also made a point to tell me the compliments she received about me.
As a kid who grew up weird and closeted and struggling with school because of disability it was so important to know that my mom was proud of me. Especially since my father made no effort to hide that he was disappointed I didn’t have any achievements he could brag about compared to his friends’ kids.
And the thing is kindness has done wonders for me. I’ll never be rich or famous, but I’m happily married and have found a good community. I’d rather that than be some of the assholes I grew up around.
Hmmm yeah okay. Someone who’s like a honor roll student biglaw attorney might have a lot of accomplishments, but if they’re insufferable to be around that’s not a complete success as a parent.
On the other hand, a blast to be around but with no skills to succeed in this dystopia is also not a full success, either.
Goddam right they are cool - precisely because they are smart, talented, and engaged in the world around them. Why would I have raised them to be less than that?
“My kids are better than yours.”
What an asshole.
Way to miss the point as well as be a dick in the wholesomeness community…
Hah, sounds like the kind of person that votes for president based on whether or not they want to have a beer with them instead of their platform or accomplishments or experience
Dad of the year, right here 👆
It may be my age showing but I interpreted this as “do they smoke weed?”
glancing over my shoulder while clutching a baggy under my jacket
“Yeah, that’s great but are they going to narc?”
Hmm, I don’t know. Seems like the perfect instrument to make “nerdy” kids feel even more insecure. Having very good grades is something you absolutely can and should be proud of. This does not automatically mean that your children, if they do not have good grades, are less valuable or “good” per se. But I think that the reasoning employed in the screenshot makes it very easy to say “Yes, your child’s grades are good, but my kid is way cooler”, belittling an entire and very respectable achievement of the other person.
Being nerdy and getting good grades doesn’t preclude being cool, especially not these days.
Eh, I think it’s good to make sure kids don’t pin their self esteem on anything overly tangible.
Grades are something that’s inherently tied to cultural capital. If your parents are able to teach you the skills needed to succeed in academic subjects, you’re going to do better. Pinning kids’ self worth to grades often leads to kids with disadvantages like a disrupted home life becoming disillusioned with the education system and suffering as a result.
I got good grades; I do not think the grades themselves are anything to be especially proud about. What’s more important is the effort that went into getting them, and that’s something more worth focusing on.
A parent saying they think their kid is cool is a value judgement from their perspective. They have a child they enjoy spending time with and with whom they have a good relationship. That’s something that I think anyone can get behind.
I don’t think it’s “cool” the way like…90s teen movies meant cool. I think it’s more like, “are they a kind person who is enjoyable to be around?” You can have other achievements that look good on paper and be cool. You can be an awkward dork and still be cool in that sense. Unfortunately, some parents prize the resume over raising a decent human being, and some kids end up being assholes, which is not cool at all.
As an incredibly and habitually nerdy kid none of my nerd shit had been an obstacle to my parents thinking I’m rad. I taught and ran my Mom through a D&D campaign over Covid…
Also I don’t think a parent who adopts the 'Is your kid cool" mentality is looking to make it another vector to disparage kids but to open adults minds to actually appreciating their kids as people not just little self congratulatory vicarious vindication of success. My parents are not fans of my Brother-in-Law’s family because they refuse to look at their son and my sibling as success on any other metric than acedemic or career related successes. They look at their careers in slightly lower paid but fulfilling careers doing things they feel make the world a better place makes them “the dumbest smart people we know”… The fact their son is just fucking awesome in his own merits just never enters their heads (and makes my Mom mad enough to bite through steel.)
Having parents who are cool is a blessing.
your kid might be a doctor, but my kid will be changing the world positively.
Probably through some autistic shit i instill in them, but hey, that’s not a bad thing.
