This will probably be slightly long for context. I am in a long term relationship with my girlfriend of about 4 years now. Relationahip wise everything is going amazing, aside from sex. We didnt start having sex until around 2 years into our relationship as I helped her get over bad trauma from a religious upbringing, and even then barely as she stil is not over it fully. It was great the first times, then she got on antidepressanta which killed her libido for about a year until she got off them, and her libido kinda never returned, according to her; at best we have sex 2 times a month, usually once, and every time its great (although we have a long way to go we both quite suck at it lmao), she says she’s demisexual because of all the external stress and undiagnosed likely chronic pain she currently has, and I’m trying every day to help her through it to feel better, and during sex I always do my best to make her feel good about her body etc, and I have helped her, just feels like not enough and I wish I could do more.
Compared to me, I’m horny pretty much all the time, and no matter how much I get off by myself, doesnt fix the issue, it’s just much better to see my partner enjoy herself as that gets me going, so getting off by myself works but it’s very very mid, so combined with her current libido this ends up at me asking if we have sex today, getting rejected and she feels bad cause shes not up to it, then I have to tell her to not feel bad cause she’s still depressed and in pain etc also its her autonomy and consent too and such, though on a personal level I cant help but feel like an asshole because no matter how much I handle this, then still I’m hyperhorny and it just feels annoying to the point I wish I could control it at the switch of a button and only make it appear when she’s also turned on lol, I dont want to be a narcissistic piece of shit and I’ve heard plenty of people manage relationships with differing libidos, hell ofc I’d still love her a lot even if she went volcel, but 50% of the time she wants to have sex with me there just isnt that drive, while 50% she doesnt; I have no clue how to help her with that and she doesnt either she kinda made peace with it, and combined with our current external situation, we’ve been barely intimate and I can tell it’s been taking a toll in that regard, idk wish I had a ‘plan’, but I’m slightly very horny all the time but also have my own sexual trauma so im not exactly an example lmao
Would appreciate any outside POV, I’m quite prudish about this but it will help me a lot and obviously feel free to criticize any brainworms you spotted, thank you a lot comrades
Yep we’re only monogamous; I wish I could help her more than I already do, but I am clueless… she has an immense list of issues that keep getting worse, and all doctors say she’s perfectly fine or dismiss her on the grounds she’s ‘insane’ (literally heard this one :/). We are 99% sure it’s Long Covid, and of course no medical professional even thinks of it, she has went to a lot of doctors for the past year, but to no avail
If the problem with healthcare in your country is dismissive doctors rather than high cost of care, seeing specialists for individual symptoms (and withholding or not volunteering information) can be extremely helpful. Sometimes you have to just game the system to get real care when impeded by egotistical providers or malicious insurers.
For example if inflammation is a problem, seeing a rheumatologist and only telling them about the inflammation can get that doctor to help manage that symptom, where they might be dismissive if you told them about the impact on libido or that you suspect post-Covid sequelae (long covid).
I have a lot of personal experience in the chronic pain/inflammation/trauma realm. If you feel comfortable sharing a list of symptoms, I would be happy to provide some specific suggestions on how to request treatment that might help your girlfriend.
Sure, I’ll dm you! Thank you a lot!