• tauonite@lemmy.world
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    41 minutes ago

    I wanna see people like ‘Big Balls,’ or Ed, as we call him colloquially.

    My name is Sir Donut Fucker Vibrating Butt Plug III but my friends call me John

    • frongt@lemmy.zip
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      2 hours ago

      You have morals and ethics. It’s a lot easier to make money without them

      • HubertManne@piefed.social
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        1 hour ago

        yeah you get this question about a difficult time and I have this story about someone being so crazy with timelines that they were going to do this really illegal thing and how I talked to the boss to talk to them and stopped it. Im starting to think that puts me on the no way list.

  • Furbag@pawb.social
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    3 hours ago

    Every single one of them need lengthy prison sentences. “Just following Elon’s instructions” should not be an adequate defense.

      • skozzii@lemmy.ca
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        3 hours ago

        There is a reason they got a stupid naive kid to do their dirty work. He is the fall guy they can blame, and yes, if he spills the beans he will fall out of a window, or something or that nature.

        Elon is happy, all the investigations against his companies have been stopped fully.

          • nomy@lemmy.zip
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            3 hours ago

            I doubt this kid even has any dirt on Elon.

            He was a stupid true believer who thought someone had finally recognized the genius he thinks he is and now its time for him to be hung out to dry.

    • ArmchairAce1944@discuss.onlineOP
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      3 hours ago

      No, they thought they were the cyberpunk hackers going against the evil government and they are all cool and underground and shit (even if they had the backing of the most powerful man in the country and the richest man on earth).

    • Sludgehammer@lemmy.world
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      6 hours ago

      They’re a bunch rich nepobabies who have failed upwards their whole life (as an example Swollen Testicles here is the heir to Lesser Evil snacks), they probably viewed this as yet another “smash and grab” corporate looting to use as a step up to their next jobs. I’m honestly skeptical that they’ll end up as fall guys, after all the Trump administration has shown that crime is legal as long as you’ve got a R next to your name.

      • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today
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        5 hours ago

        as an example Swollen Testicles here is the heir to Lesser Evil snacks

        Well that’s irritating. Some of their popcorn is delicious.

        I should have trusted my logic that a company called “Lesser Evil” is still admitting it’s evil, its main selling point being “Our competition is more-er evil”

        …presupposing that “Not evil” simply isn’t an option in our socioeconomic system. Because of course.

        • tachikoma@lemmy.today
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          4 hours ago

          “You should never grade Evils, because if one is the worst, you might be tempted kinship with the least.”

          People don’t think it is like it is. But it do . Sure reality has edge cases and exeptions… but yeee

          • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today
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            4 hours ago

            I’ve used that exact same Saltzpyre quote on Lemmy a few times too! NICE!

            Even though he’s a bit of a puritanical parody, that quote hits profoundly hard. Hi five. :)

    • Aneb@lemmy.world
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      35 minutes ago

      I’m sorry I’m gonna need a name and link. If you have a .torrent that would simplify things

  • Jaysyn@lemmy.world
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    6 hours ago

    He and the rest of his cronies should die in prison after a long, unhappy life.

  • tburkhol@slrpnk.net
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    10 hours ago

    This is why you always want to get law enforcement credentials before doing fascist errands. Law enforcement gets qualified immunity; civilian contractors are patsies.

      • Jax@sh.itjust.works
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        7 hours ago

        Oh, law enforcement ends up being above the law in many cases. For example, tinting on windshields in California. Cops get 100%, everyone else has to follow certain % rules so cops can feel safe during traffic stops. This is just a minor example.

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        9 hours ago

        The effective immunity they de facto enjoy is MUCH more complete, though.

        For every cop shooting where the cop suffers so much as an unpaid suspension, there’s dozens if not hundreds that get off scot free after committing all crimes up to and including serial murder.

  • eleijeep@piefed.social
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    11 hours ago

    His father is Charles Coristine, who bought the snack company LesserEvil in 2011 and runs it as chief executive. His maternal grandfather was Valery Martynov, a KGB lieutenant colonel who spied for the FBI and CIA in the 1980s and was executed in Moscow in 1987 after Aldrich Ames and Robert Hanssen betrayed him. Coristine has said on Fox News that his grandfather “died so that I could come here and live in this free country that I love so much.”

    Jesus Christ, no wonder his politics are fucked.

    • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today
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      5 hours ago

      I love(/s) how mask-off Fox is now. "Former KGB double-agent lineage put into high places of government when people still remember the Red Scare? Fiiiiine! Look he’s so rich 🇺🇸🗽🦅🏈pAtRiOtIc. . .

      . . .REMEMBER WHEN OBAMA WORE A TAN SUIT THO AND MAMDANI HANDED SOMEONE A PEN?! THE OUTRAGE!! Shariah law! Immigrants! Reeee!!" [mouth foaming intensifies]

      It feels like 50’s-80’s Republicans, still-evil as they were, would eat these bitches alive. LOL

      As much as they screech about slippery slopes, it seems conservatism is the ultimate one. What vague notion of principles they might have had, erodes astonishingly quickly as soon as money and vulnerable children are dangled in front of them.

      An opposition that lacks any kind of consistency doesn’t deserve even the slightest respect.

    • ArmchairAce1944@discuss.onlineOP
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      10 hours ago

      His grandfather was a double traitor who only cared for personal gain and money. He got what was coming to him.

      Meanwhile he is following in his grandfather’s footsteps by being a complete parasite and sack of shit to the country he lives in.

      • FiniteBanjo@feddit.online
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        7 hours ago

        His grandfather sounds based as fuck, I actually wonder how he turned out this way.

        EDIT: Ya’ll Tankies downvoting? I’ll say it again. Fuck the USSR, they’re no different than what MAGA aspires to be.

        • ArmchairAce1944@discuss.onlineOP
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          2 hours ago

          He spied on the US and the USSR. He was not some principled ideology. His ideological and moral compass only pointed towards money and nothing else.

          • FiniteBanjo@feddit.online
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            2 hours ago

            He was sent by the USSR, made deals with the FBI and CIA, moved his family to the states and was executed by the KGB for spying on the USSR.

            Sounds like the ultimate redemption arc. We should all aspire to be so strong of will against tyranny.

            Clearly he couldn’t pass off the tiniest bit of it to his son and grandson before he died, sadly.

          • FiniteBanjo@feddit.online
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            5 hours ago

            Only a self-deluded accelerationist would think this is the bottom. It goes much lower than this.

              • FiniteBanjo@feddit.online
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                4 hours ago

                The pitts of the Stalin regime held twice the percentage of incarcerated, multiple famines, no real elections, widespread war, etc. The USA isn’t there yet but it will be.

                • kestrel7_7@lemmy.world
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                  3 hours ago

                  The number of people the USA currently has in prison far outpaces the height of the gulag system in absolute numbers and percentage of the population. If you want to talk about famines you can check out how the USA treated indigenous people. To be frank, Stalin was small time compared to the USA, whether you’re talking historically or currently.

    • Jaysyn@lemmy.world
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      6 hours ago

      There very well could be Grand Juries seated in those states to do just that. You & I won’t know until it happens.

    • DagwoodIII@piefed.social
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      11 hours ago

      I remember some actual military veteran explaining that they almost never give the toughest fighters badass nicknames. You can kid around with guys with nicknames like ‘Big Balls’ or ‘Killer’ but run away from the guy they call ‘Kitten’ or ‘Candy.’

      • Mostly_Gristle@lemmy.world
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        8 hours ago

        If the handful of veterans that I know are anything to go by, military nicknames are often directly related to the dumbest mistake they made during their enlistment.

        • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today
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          5 hours ago

          A guy I knew said there was a guy he knew in the service who got the name “Stitch.”

          Oh cool, like, a medic or something?

          Nah, he slipped and banged his dome on a bathroom sink so bad he needed stitches. 😂

        • j4yc33@piefed.social
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          8 hours ago

          It Runs the gamut. Some people get nicknames for skills, some for mistakes, and Others for the Most obscure reasons.

          Not a Veteran myself, but a civilian who used to Work in defense. The Nickname Stories are Always fascinating though.

            • mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca
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              5 hours ago

              probably just helpful spell check. it capitalizes inappropriate words for me all the fucking time. don’t know why I haven’t bothered to turn it off

              • Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus
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                4 hours ago

                Might be a non-english main language on the spellchecker. The german keyboard on my phone also wants to capitalize everything that might be a noun.

    • Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus
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      4 hours ago

      I bet that he actually has big balls, but because of Chlamydia.

      Just remembered Nicki Minaj’s tweet which sent Trinidads health organizations onto a wild goose chase because she linked her STD-ridden guy to the COVID vaccine.