Being upset for a bit and keeping to yourself is fine but expecting a partner to always clue in isn’t ideal. When you’re with a good partner you should be comfortable and confident to address your own problems with them. If they clue in before that great but you should be making your problems known if the problems are messing up your day that badly.
If the person who is in a bad mood is pouting and moping around and waiting for their partner to ask instead of being honest about how they feel, then they’re being toxic.
Expecting your partner to read your mind is not the way to have a healthy relationship. When you’re with a good partner, you should be comfortable enough to address your problems with them or ask for a shoulder to cry on as needed.
Of course it’s nice if a partner notices and inquires. Your problems are your own to tackle though.
Edit:: It’s specifically the acting different because they’re in a bad mood that I was referencing. If you’re in a bad enough mood that your partner notices but you haven’t been honest about why, it’s not on your partner to sus that out. It’s on you.
Again, this tweet says nothing about mind reading. It says nothing about closing off to your partner. It says nothing about expecting them to pick up on it.
All it is saying. ALL it is saying, is they want an empathetic partner, not an entitled child for a partner.
Interesting how ya’ll read the absolute worst into things…
The entire tweet is about expecting a partner to ask “why” instead of getting upset when OP is in a bad mood and acting different without saying why they’re acting that way.
Nowhere in the tweet does it say anything about any type of mood. Literally all it says is that they’ve been quiet all day, which could be the result of any number of things, including, but not limited to, having had a long day, having expended too much energy at work or simply just being tired. Maybe they’re overstimulated and just need to not talk for a while. Having a partner who gets mad at you for “being different” instead of asking why you are being quiet and treating you with empathy is, in fact, toxic.
Why? What makes being silent unhealthy? This sounds like you’re imposing your own personal ideas about healthy behavior on everyone. My partner and I frequently don’t speak to each other at all for the day after an intense workweek because we simply need to recover and that’s what works for us. Tis actually the healthiest way for us to connect after a tough day to be in silence together. We’ve been married for over a decade at this point. I have had past relationships where the exact situation in the tweet occurs and it was always devastating to be told I’m “acting different” or that something is wrong with me instead of being asked how I am doing or why I’m being quiet.
Again, I don’t disagree with you. However, where is it said that this is specifically what they mean? I feel like we must be reading something different.
especially when i was younger, but sometimes still nowadays, one of us would sometimes have a really bad day for a really inane reason that seemed like the world at the time, and learning to communicate that is difficult. especially with autism and dissociative identity disorder. sometimes memories aren’t available, sometimes it’s difficult to talk about. sometimes the partner did something by accident that upset the entire day. sometimes the bad thing is that your partner ate all your ice cream in the freezer and you really wanted some mango ice cream, except it was just a dream. what the hell. when you’re emotionally charged, things just get more difficult. nonviolent communication can be a great tool, but it requires some amount of emotional availability and fluency and patience that takes effort to build up over years. talking through can take hours and days and weeks even now. nowadays it’s mostly automatic that we talk about everything, but in the beginning exuding a bad day was natural for me because i grew up in a dysfunctional family, and my partner also had to learn a lot. a therapist helped a ton, though of course therapists vary wildly in quality, suitability and of course price depending on the region. i think people can change a lot too. there’s always some variability with people.
I completely agree that people can change and grow out of unhealthy coping methods. It’s very understandable how people get to that point! I’m sorry you had a rough go initially, but that’s awesome that it’s better now.
Stonewalling your partner isn’t good practice either.
Being upset for a bit and keeping to yourself is fine but expecting a partner to always clue in isn’t ideal. When you’re with a good partner you should be comfortable and confident to address your own problems with them. If they clue in before that great but you should be making your problems known if the problems are messing up your day that badly.
This says nothing about expecting your partner to pick up on it. It’s implied they have already picked up on it and are now reacting.
All it is saying is they want a partner to react with empathy, not with entitlement or annoyance.
If the person who is in a bad mood is pouting and moping around and waiting for their partner to ask instead of being honest about how they feel, then they’re being toxic.
Interesting how you took, “being quiet” as moping and expecting a partner to pick up on it.
That is not said in the tweet. At all.
No, it’s the “acting different” part is what I took as moping.
Which is clearly in the tweet. Verbatim.
You… realize that is quoted, right? That’s what the inattentive asshole partner thinks.
Maybe you don’t get it because you are the asshole in this scenario?
If OP is quiet when they normally aren’t, then they’re acting differently, aren’t they?
Why did you read the partner as being an inattentive asshole? Maybe they’re autistic and don’t pick up on other people’s body language and moods.
It’s the assumption about why they’re quiet that’s the problem.
That is the entire point of the tweet, yet you’re constantly pretending they’re being quiet for some nefarious or immature reason.
It’s one thing to not pick up on it. It’s a whole other thing to jump to, “why are you ignoring me?”.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
The tweet says nothing about stonewalling anyone. Being quiet isn’t stonewalling. It’s being quiet.
It only says they want a partner that cares ‘why’. That says absolutely nothing about how and when a conversation might happen.
They want a partner that reacts with empathy, not entitlement to your person.
Expecting your partner to read your mind is not the way to have a healthy relationship. When you’re with a good partner, you should be comfortable enough to address your problems with them or ask for a shoulder to cry on as needed.
Of course it’s nice if a partner notices and inquires. Your problems are your own to tackle though.
Edit:: It’s specifically the acting different because they’re in a bad mood that I was referencing. If you’re in a bad enough mood that your partner notices but you haven’t been honest about why, it’s not on your partner to sus that out. It’s on you.
Again, this tweet says nothing about mind reading. It says nothing about closing off to your partner. It says nothing about expecting them to pick up on it.
All it is saying. ALL it is saying, is they want an empathetic partner, not an entitled child for a partner.
Interesting how ya’ll read the absolute worst into things…
The entire tweet is about expecting a partner to ask “why” instead of getting upset when OP is in a bad mood and acting different without saying why they’re acting that way.
Nowhere in the tweet does it say anything about any type of mood. Literally all it says is that they’ve been quiet all day, which could be the result of any number of things, including, but not limited to, having had a long day, having expended too much energy at work or simply just being tired. Maybe they’re overstimulated and just need to not talk for a while. Having a partner who gets mad at you for “being different” instead of asking why you are being quiet and treating you with empathy is, in fact, toxic.
If my partner is quiet all day and not speaking to me until I ask why, that’s not healthy.
Why? What makes being silent unhealthy? This sounds like you’re imposing your own personal ideas about healthy behavior on everyone. My partner and I frequently don’t speak to each other at all for the day after an intense workweek because we simply need to recover and that’s what works for us. Tis actually the healthiest way for us to connect after a tough day to be in silence together. We’ve been married for over a decade at this point. I have had past relationships where the exact situation in the tweet occurs and it was always devastating to be told I’m “acting different” or that something is wrong with me instead of being asked how I am doing or why I’m being quiet.
But you’re not giving your partner the silent treatment until they notice you’re in a bad mood and ask “why?”
Each couple can have their own things, that’s totally cool and healthy.
It’s the unspoken expectations that I have an issue with.
While you’re certainly not wrong, I don’t think they were talking about stonewalling or anything done with intent.
Exuding a bad mood until your partner is forced to ask you why you’re acting that way isn’t healthy in my opinion.
You’re allowed to have different opinions.
Again, I don’t disagree with you. However, where is it said that this is specifically what they mean? I feel like we must be reading something different.
It depends on how you read OP acting differently when they’re in a presumably bad mood.
To me, it depends on whether you plan on having a good faith interpretation of what they said or not.
especially when i was younger, but sometimes still nowadays, one of us would sometimes have a really bad day for a really inane reason that seemed like the world at the time, and learning to communicate that is difficult. especially with autism and dissociative identity disorder. sometimes memories aren’t available, sometimes it’s difficult to talk about. sometimes the partner did something by accident that upset the entire day. sometimes the bad thing is that your partner ate all your ice cream in the freezer and you really wanted some mango ice cream, except it was just a dream. what the hell. when you’re emotionally charged, things just get more difficult. nonviolent communication can be a great tool, but it requires some amount of emotional availability and fluency and patience that takes effort to build up over years. talking through can take hours and days and weeks even now. nowadays it’s mostly automatic that we talk about everything, but in the beginning exuding a bad day was natural for me because i grew up in a dysfunctional family, and my partner also had to learn a lot. a therapist helped a ton, though of course therapists vary wildly in quality, suitability and of course price depending on the region. i think people can change a lot too. there’s always some variability with people.
I completely agree that people can change and grow out of unhealthy coping methods. It’s very understandable how people get to that point! I’m sorry you had a rough go initially, but that’s awesome that it’s better now.
i just wanted to humanize having an unnecessarily bad day. it’s not that bad, and it can change.