Sofia “Buff Girlfriend” @sofiabuffgf
Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it’s transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.
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I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn’t have a bidet now. I can’t figure out why they aren’t everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.
Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.
Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.
I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.
The wonderful thing about every bidet I’ve ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.
Surprises of that sort aren’t really the problem, tho that would be… wild.
The intentional abuse of the devices would be the problem, as would unintentional misuse (eg they are in the wrong position and it misses entirely, or they don’t know what it is and mess with the controls while standing in front of it).
First thing I did after installing a bidet was shoot water 3m onto a wall.
Same, honestly. You have to make sure it works and you don’t really think to cover it, and even if you did you don’t really know where…
And then you find out. And giggle a bit.
My bidet toilet came with a “demonstration tool”. A (transparent) plastic contraption that can be put on the toilet which 1) activates the bum-sensor and 2) blocks the water stream.
The toilet also has a “demonstration” mode, I did not dare to turn that on, though.
I would like to see an AMA from a first time owner that didn’t end up with water on the wall. When in the process of deciding to get one and having it functional did it occur to watch out… or not?
I did after putting it in and watched my partner test it and got another in a different spot.
I got 20 on it.
You’re right. There is nothing stopping folks from throwing toilet paper (clean or dirty) all over the public restroom on purpose and I have spent enough time in airport bathrooms to know that people can make a mess perfectly fine with how restrooms are kitted out today.
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People are quite intentional in their destruction of public property. And then of course there are all of those incompetent idiots roaming around.
Well let’s pull out the toilets too. They can and do make plenty of mess of those. Let’s just get rid of public amenities.
I wasn’t arguing that we shouldn’t offer them in public restrooms, just pointing out that there will be issues, even though you and I can handle them just fine. I hate using public restrooms ever since I installed bidets in my house. I even take baby wipes backpacking with me now, since I can’t stand only using dry toilet paper. It’s gross!
I had one with analog pressure control. It was basically just a valve with a limiter you hooked up to toilet’s water line. If your hand slipped, you got to do a little spring cleaning. It was not as refreshing as the task sounds.
Ah, the poor mans enema. Sometimes if you have a poop that’s not cooperating you can squirt some water up there and it comes out. Source: 😏
I definitely have but it was 100% user error :( I was cleaning my toilet and meant to turn on the nozzle clean but turned on the regular wash instead. I screamed so loud my partner thought I was injured. Thankfully I was wearing glasses I guess.
Surprise sprays tend to happen when your staring over the stradle-style bidet, trying to figure out how the hell to work it.
Met a new friend and his wife once. Had no idea what it was. Touched a knob and the ceiling got wet.
The guy got me set up with a nice job in what ended up being a lucrative career.
They got divorced a few years later. Husband moved out west with a friend’s girlfriend. Said friend ended up marrying the wife. She’s a slut, and they’re going through a divorce now.
nice fuckin story lmao
I was in Japan for two weeks and not once did I use a toilet without a bidet. It was glorious.
I don’t know if I’d trust a public bidet, the amount of poop people leave on the toilet seat doesn’t give me confidence they wouldnt find a way to get their explosive slosh into the nozzle
I think we just need tiny sinks in stalls, or rather, all public stalls should be designed as semi-ambulant stalls.
Growing up as a crutches user (hip deformity) I didn’t fully comprehend that the standard stalls don’t have sinks in them. I kind of knew they didn’t all have sinks, but I didn’t think too hard about it, I sort of assumed the reason most people flushed then came to the main public sink was to use the mirror or dryer.
I got to used to filling my personal bidet at the sink, using it, and washing it at the sink, all behind the privacy of a closed bathroom door.
When I had my hip surgery and no longer needed semi ambulant stalls, or disability access stalls, and it was just so inconvenient to fill and rinse a bidet bottle in a regular public bathroom I stopped using it.
Then a few months later started using the semi ambulant stalls again so I can use my bidet, because it turns out my lichen sclerosis doesn’t like public toilet paper and I was getting really bad infections.
But yeah, personal bidet bottles are great, but they require a tap near the toilet.
Some public sinks are easy to fill a bidet bottle, but a lot aren’t, you physically can’t fit a bottle under the taps and because bidet bottles aren’t common it can feel embarrassing to fill it at the public sinks. Disability stalls almost always have a proper tap and sink for washing toilet aid devices.
Back when I needed a bidet I kept my portable full and would refill it when I washed my hands. It took up half to all of my purse, depending on how large of a purse I was carrying, but it was worth it. I’d just use a peri bottle (kept two in my bag) I’d get from the hospital. Not sure where to get them when you’re not inpatient.
In Australia, most larger chemist’s sell peri bottles in the antenatal section, near the breast pumps and maternity pads.
They also sometimes sell cheaper, less pink, peri bottles in the OT/home aid section, or in the ailse with the laxatives and enemas.
You can definitely get them on Amazon. I also find them occasionally in the toiletries section of Muslim grocery stores, and occasionally Asian stores, near the buckets, stools, and tabo cups.
Do you have any recommendations for a portable bidet bottle? Honestly it seems like I could just make one out of a plastic bottle but I’m curious if you’ve got any fancy recommendations
I don’t have any fancy suggestions, because much like you, I often went DIY. Because of my skin condition I’ve always needed a bidet, so convenience and utility was my draw, the fact I had to carry it with me everywhere my whole life since adolescence.
Pretty sure when I was first taught to do it by my chronic care nurse I was just using hospital peri-bottles. For a while I just carried a 50ml syringe in my bag and a bottle to draw water from.
But at some point (probably around 12 when I joined Scouts) I found these “bidet bottlecaps” at hiking stores, and I remember a time when I just had these bottle caps everywhere and would have plastic bottles with hair ties on them in random purses (I’d put a hair tie around the bottle to remind me it was not drinking water anymore) the brand name I’m seeing pop up is CuloClean, but I mostly see cheap screw on no-brand ones near the register at camping stores.
Now days I mostly DIY them with a lighter, a q tip and a pin.
Just take any plastic bottle lid, heat it up with the lighter to soften the plastic, use the q-tip to push the soft plastic to make a “nipple”, you’re basically trying to make the bottle lid resemble a baby bottle. Then take the pin and make a ~1-2mm hole in the side of the nipple. It’s a good idea to sit down and hold the bottle and see how you’re planning to aim the stream so you can plan where you want to angle the hole you’re making in the lid.
I’m glad I found this method, because I like the little 250ml bottles of Quench Juice, they squeeze easy, hold just the right amount of water, and fit really neatly in all my purses (and the juice is nice too, lol). But the lid was never compatible with the bidet bottle caps, so now I DIY the existing cap of whatever bottle I prefer.
But in either case, you need to have a second, unaltered bottle cap to swap out after use, so the bottle is water tight for storage again. (though, you can always leave it empty and just refill immediately before use, then empty it completely afterwards)
CuloClean
As a Spanish speaker I love that name haha
Go for a portable one. Be clean and proud. Nobody is gonna ask you about the flask-thing anyway unless they want one. https://www.happypo.de/ No idea if it has a translated site, but it’s quite butt-forward anyhow.
We have those in the US as well. They’re meant for women who just gave birth to clean their privates. The hospital gave my wife 3 that we got to take home since they can’t reuse them.
Bidets can generally also be used for lady parts, but it isn’t just for that. In the link, it does call itself “butt shower”.
Yeah, but this “portable bidet” is literally the exact same product that has been marketed towards post-partum women in the US. I mean that literally, it’s the exact same product made in China, marketed by some slimy western asshole as a “revolutionary portable bidet!!!1!11!”
I don’t think I’ve seen a post that spoke so strongly to me
That said. Working at a Japanese company has some perks like this in particular
I got to learn to love those bidet toilets through my frequent (extended) work travels to Japan. Got one for myself at home when the bathroom was up for renovation. Now I am dreading any work trip to not-Japan because I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I try and pre poop for this reason, if going to town and get caught out etc
Smearng shit around your asshole with paper might have appealed to 8yr old me but no longer is it the mischievous fun it was in the long ago.
It was also bemusing to see the great TP shortages of the Covid era and snicker
You just gotta hire a domestic worker to shoot a super soaker at your gooch.
I know corporate overlords wish there could be, but I don’t think we’re at the point of having someone in there with you to check that you’re actually pooping just yet…
So poop at home, then just sit there and catch up on your scrolling on company time…Do you guys have that much control over when and where you poop? I see this idea of “just hold it in until you get to your preferred location” fairly regularly and that seems insane to me. It’s not like my poops are an imminent emergency every time but I definitely couldn’t hold it in more than an hour or maybe two on the high end, and that would be pretty uncomfortable. That’s not enough time to get home in many cases. In other words, when it hits, I shits.
I generally go once in the morning (going from being horizontal in bed to being vertical out of it usually does the trick) then I’m done for the day. But even if I have to go again I can generally hold it at least for a bit unless it’s a food poisoning type situation… ¯\(ツ)/¯
But then, digestive systems vary widely, so all that matters is what’s normal for you.
This sounds like heaven to me. Pure. Heaven.
-Crohn’sGang
I actually have IBS so I feel your pain, to some extent anyway… For most of my life I was not regular and would go anything from once every few days to several times a day, but then at some point, it just… Regulated? I don’t know how or why, I wish I could give some advice, but it just happened…
UC cousin in the house. I got a cheap bidet seat, loved it, and ended up splurging for the full on Toto, automated, temperature adjusted, and air dry bidet. If THAT’S not heaven, it’s awfully close .
Seriously, you’ll practically weep with how much less miserable a flare up is with one of these nearby.
I have the seat attached unit as well. Maybe next year I’ll work out a way to budget in the full deal.
It sure does sound good.
I am not a Doctor.
At the risk of providing TMI, one way to go is to basically schedule it by training your body to go at consistent times of day. Eventually, your circadian rhythms and your bowel work together and you’re on track. More from actual doctors here; advice is for constipation but the gist is the same.
Edit: strong coffee with breakfast really helps.
I use coffee to my advantage of planning my poops, I like to get to work early for partly the reason of being able to poop while the restroom is still cleanish
I can control it. However, the indignity of pooping like a savage without a bidet is far preferable to the discomfort of flexing my sphincter all day.
I wish I was like my wife who just wakes up and poops right away. But alas I don’t get going until after my second cup of coffee.
to check that you’re actually pooping
AI will do that soon. Until then, managers can ask employees to donate vacation hours to make up for people who take too long in the bathroom.
AI will do that soon.
I guess pass that hurdle when we get to it…
managers can ask employees to donate vacation hours to make up for people who take too long in the bathroom.
They can ask lol
Using just toilet paper is like if a bird shit on your arm and you used toilet paper to wipe it off. There’s still shit on your arm - you’re still dirty and need to wash it off. Bidets are really superior in every way.
I mean, If a bird shit on me, I wouldn’t consider myself clean if I just hosed it off with water either. Soap needs to be involved. Bidet or TP is just a stopgap until you actually wash your ass. With soap.
Wet wipes and soap bro
Wet wipes are a problem to the sewage system. They don’t break down, they clog. Don’t use them unless your selfishness outweighs your sense of responsibility. This isn’t a TED talk, just be a decent human being.
Huh I never really knew that. I just normally wipe 1000x times
Soz, can’t tell what your point is with the 1000x comment.
They may say “flushable”. They lie.
Using a bidet is like a bird pooped on you and you just splashed that shit all over the place and got everything wet.
Steps for using a bidet:
- After pooping, remain seated on toilet seat with bidet
- Turn on bidet to desired pressure.
- Wiggle your butt around letting the water jet spray you down.
- Turn off bidet.
- Grab a few squares of TP and fold them over.
- Wipe water off and inspect for cleanliness.
- Repeat steps above if TP wasn’t clean.
Congrats, you’re now a pro, an clean, pooper.
So poopy water goes everywhere and soggy TP goes all over my butt. You call that clean. Enjoy the splashed about bits of everyone else’s poop around the thinnest and least protected membranes in your body. I’m not wasting any more break time replying to you.
I’m sitting here wondering… Do you think a bidet uses the water currently in the bowl? Or that it sprays through that water? Because it doesn’t.
No
Once again, it looks like you have never used a bidet yet somehow have the confidence to get everything wrong.
Or, you have tried to use a bidet and did some kind of three stooges bit in the process.
Clearly bidets are not for you, Sir.
How tf do you clean your butthole
In the shower. How clean does a butthole need to be?
You take a shower every time you take a shit or do you just shit, take your clothes off, head to the shower and spread your cheeks for a minute?
Please take the words of experience of this thread: your perspective is incorrect. It’s OK to change your mind. Bidets don’t plash shit everywhere and your but can be as clean as it could be without using soap.
Did your parents not teach you how to clean?
Did YOURS? Where I’m from, if you’re playing in the water but the dishes still have food on them, you’re in trouble.
If you really believe that, possibly you are too thick to be using a bidet.
Wash up in the sink. Or the water cooler.
I’ve always wondered, why aren’t Bidet Showers(aka the bum gun) more popular in the west? Should be a far more cheaper and similarly hygienic option no?
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It’s only a pain in the ass if you set it to powerwash.
They’re great cause you can aim from multiple angles, though I hear toilet bowls in the US fill with water way higher so getting it down there and not touching the turd water might be a problem.
toilet seat adapters
Do you mean bidet toilet attachments? Seat adapters only shows seat cushions and children’s seat adapters. Bidet attachment’s a really good investment, a cheap way to get the Japanese comfort and hygiene. Sadly didn’t see anything of the sort in NY & NJ.
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I don’t have too much experience with this style, so this is probably completely unfair… but I lived with a guy for a bit who brought his own portable version that hooks up to the sink… and dude would constantly leave water everywhere no matter what we’d tell him. So I def prefer the in-seat style based on my lack of trust for the humans using them.
As someone who has used both the bidet shower and the in-seat style, you’re right. The bumgun tends to be more messy. Your hand will also tend to get wet, but not necessarily because of splashback.
I’ve used that as a kid and I always wished public bathrooms had them asw.
Are you kidding?? I would never use a public bidet. Even the thought of one is appalling. I feel like people that love a bidet don’t understand how bacteria work.
True. In thay case I’d carry a portable one
Our bathrooms aren’t set up for that in the US at least. The floor is often wood or fake vinyl wood. The only part of the bathroom that is waterproof is the shower/bath.
I generally carry a portable bidet when I travel for this reason. But yes, I’m traveling in Japan right now and it’s great. Also the fact that the bathrooms are clean.
A (single use) water bottle with a sport cap is basically a portable bidet. One can even easily adjust the water pressure.
Now I take baby wipes backpacking with me. I can’t go back to dry poopy butt after owning a bidet for years.
Baby wipes are a life saver where bidets aren’t common! But please please don’t flush them people, most plumbing* isn’t built to handle them (even if it says flushable on the back).
Portable bidets are great for work!
With my pocket bidet, pocket pussy, pocket watch and pocket knife, I’m officially pocket-challenged.
https://www.humangear.com/shop/p/bidettoob
This one is cheaper and probably easier to use base on nozzle design.
Doubles up as a water bottle w/straw included!
What an amazing day to have eyes.
Topical UN.
Hope things are moving along as they should be over there.
So true. I was just at a client site yesterday, forget bidet, the stall walls barely even cover below the knees and above the shoulder, plus have inch wide gaps between the walls and doors. May as well just poop in the sink.
Yeah that don’t track. I poop on company time and walk away with a pampered butt thanks to my bidet. Feels fantastic and clean.
I think they mean when they’re in the office
Exactly. Unjustified RTO is basically a crime against humanity.
And our buttholes!
New plan everyone. Sue your company for their crime against humanity and the environment for their lack of bidets.
Move to Finland. Problem solved.
The bidetphilia is strong at lemmy, which never ceases to amaze me.
we’re not all americans, here
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I’ve used many a bidet, and I had one installed before eventually removing it.
Isn’t it kind of gross to have shit-spackled water being sprayed around a larger area of your undercarriage? I enjoy a nice bidet, but it just kind of seemed gross to me. You wipe clean, then whatever fecal matter and microbes are left then get sprayed onto your taint? That doesn’t really help things much.
Do what I do: only poop in nearby businesses so you never pollute your toilet, and then immediately come home and take a shower.
The nozzle needs to be constantly sanitized, or you’re basically just letting shitty water be sprayed on you. Studies have shown that regular use of a bidet disrupts healthy vaginal microflora.
Pregnant women should especially not use a bidet.
Even a constantly (every use) sanitized bidet is generally less sanitary than proper wiping. Using a spray of water to handle fecal material is very obviously suboptimal. I feel like it’s absurd that people need to be told this. You might “feel” cleaner, but you just allowed bacteria a vehicle to spread over a larger area of your body.
Curious why you feel its absurd people need to be told this? Even in the the study you linked, they note in the discussion
It is of great surprise to find that detection of fecal bacteria was prejudiced against the bidet toilet users.
Still a concerning study to me, since I’m a habitual bidet user. Fortunately I don’t need to worry about vaginal microflora. Furthermore, I could only find this one small study that shows correlation (not necessarily causation), so I’d be hesitant to immediately regard bidets as less sanitary than wiping, especially for men.
Fecal bacteria were detected in 50 of the 268 cases (18.66%), 46 cases in users (92%) and only 4 cases in non-users (8%). Contamination by other pathogens was 4 to 6 times higher in users than in non-users.
It sprays shit around. I guess to me, that just seemed obvious. But I hear what you are saying to me. It even surprised the researchers, so why would I be surprised that other people find it surprising.
I take your point. It seemed very obvious to me after installing one, but I’m being rude by assuming knowledge. Thank you for correcting my attitude.
That’s not very nice to say. I’m not being obtuse – the writers of the article you linked it even said themselves they were surprised that the bidet-users had more fecal matter. I don’t poop on my bidet, and regularly clean it. You’d think that the jet of water plus wiping would get more fecal matter off your butt rather than wiping, alone. Dang. I’m just trying to have a conversation.
I corrected that comment almost immediately, and I apologize. You are absolutely right, I was being defensive.
Edit: I’m not an asshole, I swear. I saw that you were honestly engaging and I felt bad immediately and revised the comment as quickly as I could.
I gotchu, it happens. No worries. You’ve definitely piqued my (admittedly gross) interest – I’m gonna do some more research after work and I’ll look out for your link.
Good luck on zoom!
There are several more studies. That was just the one I was mentioning because it relates to serious health concerns for pregnant women.
For men, perhaps less of an issue, but I’m just generally in favor of keeping fecal matter as localized as possible and cleaning myself regularly. I would never take a shower where the shower head sprays up from the floor, you know what I mean? I wash top down, paying special attention to the stinky and the dirty areas, and I clean myself with the idea that everything I’m washing off is going down, into the drain. Not up, back onto my body.
It’s fresh water from the plumbing that gets sprayed on your butt. Like having a butt-exclusive shower with CLEAN water. I don’t think you can even buy bidets that recycle shit water to spray your butt. That sounds awfully unhygienic. Are you OK, friend?
Maybe you’d like an original bidet, the ones that are basically just a sink low on the floor so you can wash yourself
I’m being downvoted for pointing out that numerous studies have shown that the bidet is not the hygienic dream you all hoped it was?
You all are some weird people with more funk downstairs than I want to think about.
Directly from the NIH: “Kim et al. conducted a study of high-risk pregnant women with preterm labor and reported that the use of a bidet toilet was associated with abnormal vaginal colonization and increased the rate of preterm labor in high-risk pregnancies.”
I assume you all are also anti-vax because of the 5G?
Can you post the link to that study? I wanna read it. Here’s one that says almost the opposite:
Normal use of the bidet toilet by pregnant women poses no clinical health risk for preterm birth and bacterial vaginosis.
I’m sorry, I’m in the middle of several zoom meetings and using my 15min breaks between sessions to comment here. If you remind me about this in five hours, I would be happy to link you several studies and a meta analysis.
Please also note that the study you’re linking is earlier than the one I’ve linked, the methodology is generally shoddy, and they, as I recall, directly reference this study in the link I’ve already provided.
It sounds like you think bidets use water from the toilet bowl, so it’s shooting dirty water at you.
That isn’t how they work. 🤦♂️
I think they mean it’s spreading fecal matter all around from the butthole outward, not spraying with poop water. I’m a guy. I find it ricochets, hitting the backside of my scrotum at times. I figure if you let it go long enough, it’s bound to wash the particles off, but can you be sure?
